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The leader of the Homewatch Association in the Belgravia region of London has announced that a referendum will be held in January on joining Russia.


Russians have exercised effective control over the area since purchasing the majority of properties. Most of the world considers Belgravia to be part of the UK, but Russia and a handful of other countries recognise it as an independent state.


'We did it!' Belgravia Homewatch leader Alexander Surkov wrote on Twitter, confirming that he had signed a decree setting the referendum for January 7th.


'In legalese, we fulfilled yet another important requirement,' he said. 'And in normal language, we took a life-changing step — we are going home, we are going to Russia.'


Several months into the war with Ukraine, Surkov declared Belgravia would take the necessary steps to join Russia.


Non-Russian residents have called into question the validity of the poll, complaining they were often prevented from accessing the region due to a lack of parking. One resident, who did not want to be named, reported, 'Hundreds of expensive black cars fill up all of the spaces, like this is Londongrad, or something.'



Author: mcdabble



Above a pie and mash shop in London’s East End, the Leader of the Cockney Independence Movement and Britain’s finest actor, Sir Jason Statham, made an impassioned speech to an audience of pearly Kings and Queens:


'Would you Adam and Eve it, the UK government has finally recognised the democratic rights of cockneys. For years Westminster has been having a right Turkish at our expense. Now we’ll be able to freely export jellied eels, cor blimey trousers and dustman’s hats. We all know these are a great delicacy in some parts of the world.’


A government spokesperson confirmed that negotiators were far happier dealing with Cockneys than Scottish nationalists and that ApplesandPearsRef1 would take place early next year.


‘These things are always tricky,’ she opined, ‘but the marvellous thing with the cheeky, chirpy cockneys is that, unlike the tartan clans, we can at least understand 20% of what they are rabbit and porking about.’


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