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Weight of Royal medals may have caused structural damage to Buckingham Palace balcony, say engineers


The weight of military medals, ceremonial paraphernalia and assorted pearl necklaces could have caused serious structural damage to the balcony at Buckingham Palace warn engineers.


Workers tasked with restoring the Palace say they have came across cracks and crumbling infrastructure that have left the balcony in a dangerous condition.


‘The type of damage we found on site is typically associated with excessive weight and impact trauma….the balcony was not built to carry the sort of excessive burden put on it by the current Royal family’ said engineer Jason Beasley ‘the load bearing lintels were designed to carry a modest sized family wearing bonnets and waving silk fans….not rocking a battalion of service medals and military hardware usually seen at a victory day parade in Moscow


Add to that the amount of gold jewellery and pearl necklaces worn by Camilla and it is no wonder the balcony is in danger of collapse’, "The Royals should either take it in turns venturing out on to the balcony to wave at the crowds or scale back on the amount of medals they wear."


‘It all started with the Prince Albert….but thankfully Andrew isn’t allowed on the balcony anymore’.


image from pixabay




The drone that exploded over the Kremlin has gone on TV to insist it only travelled there to enjoy the ‘wonderful’ architecture of Moscow. Addressing Russian journalists, the smouldering wreckage said: ‘I am not a drone. I came to Moscow to see the historic sites. Did you know the dome was built in 1837 and is 47 meters high?’


The Russian journalists were mightily impressed. Even president Putin said it seemed to make perfect sense and no longer blames Ukraine, or himself, for the attack.




First published 7 May 2023



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'The very next person who calls me Moscow Donald, I'll sue them!' said Donald Trump, speaking from underneath his bearskin hat while sharing a tureen of borsch with Vladimir Putin and Sergei Lavrov.


'I'm not Moscow Donald and I never have been!' growled the quisling, downing vodka shots and reviewing T-72 tanks from the Kremlin walls.


'Just because I have billions of dollars tied up in building contracts in Russia, and they have a pee-pee tape in their vaults featuring me and a load of hookers, is no justification for uttering the words 'Moscow Donald',' insisted the traitor to Western civilisation.


'There, you see?' he said. 'I just said them again. I'll sue myself!' before he wandered off, whistling the Internationale.


Image: WixAI


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