Lee's 'not a racist', except yes, yes he is

Lee 'I'm not a racist but...' main employer is GBNews. He makes more money from being racist for them than he does being racist as an MP for Hate-on-Sea - 30p-ieces of silver more at least.

A GBNews spokesgammon shouted: 'You can't say anything any more, even though our entire network does... incessantly. We believe in freedom of racism. I mean freedom of racist speech. I mean... no that is what I mean. If anything, Lee is a bit liberal for our taste. How dare you call our 24/7 racism 'racism'. '

Lee himself still claims not to be a racist and that his entire career of being racist whilst doing and saying racist things in a public forum is only borne out of him being a massive, massive racist.

Image: terimakasih0 - Pixabay

www.newsbiscuit.com

Concerns grow about ultra processed politicians

Experts believe that the growing number of ‘ultra-processed politicians’, or UPPs, could be harming democracy.

Defining an ultra-processed politician is difficult, but that there are a number of tell-tale signs to look out for. For example, a UPP is more likely to have gone to a private school, to have a degree in PPE, and to have never had a proper job.

Other factors to watch out for include: candidates parachuted into safe seats without having lived there, those who are overexposed on the telly - often with silly photo-op stunts or appearances on topical comedy shows and social media, and those who have a flexible relationship with the truth.

These politicians are dangerous because they can seem to be wholesome enough. Constant media exposure makes them seem attractive to the electorate. UPP candidates may then sweep aside more serious candidates who have refused to sell out to the media circus.

These UPPs often talk about serving their constituents, but frequently fail to deliver. They can have a negative impact on a wide range of policy areas – health, housing, crime, schools and the environment, for example. In the long run, their poor performance can undermine confidence in the whole democratic system.

Voters are advised to be on their guard and to watch out for electoral candidates with their own TV shows or newspaper columns, corporate directorships, and honorary degrees. A fake tan and social media photos with C, D and Z list celebrities are not a good sign. And watch out for candidates who relentlessly parrot meaningless party slogans and don’t appear to be able to think for themselves.

Forewarned is forearmed! Let’s be careful out there.

Image by Tumisu from Pixabay

Larry the cat resigns because he can't afford to pay his mortgage

Larry the cat has resigned from his £118K job as Government Chief Mouser saying that his mortgage was now costing him £2,000 per month, leaving him just £4,100 per month to live on after tax.

'It’s utterly ridiculous to expect a cat, even a skinny one to be able to live on that sort of money; and I don’t have kittens to send to a public school, so goodness knows how cats with kittens to support are expected to manage,' he said.

A spokescatlover for a feline charity told Newsbiscuit that the special appeal for Larry has already raised £5m and since this is similar to the salaries ex-government ministers are able to supplement their MP’s salaries with by taking second jobs working for sanctioned Russian oligarchs, she’s optimistic he will now be able to live with the dignity to which he has become accustomed.

Larry refused to comment on what he’d been spending the remaining £4,100 of his monthly income on, but a friend assured us it isn’t drugs or brothels.

Photo by Eric Han on Unsplash