The White House has received a package ticking more suspiciously than a Tesla.
Personally addressed to 'Nice wig. It would be a shame if something happened to it', the delivery was initially popped over the back fence of 1602 Pennsylvania Avenue by the ever diligent Jeff Bezos.
Following close scrutiny by defunded and non-existent security services, the parcel was declared probably OK, and left on the Resolute Desk along with the usual viciously nobbled giant Russian gherkin, a tub of expired Kinky-Yogurt Jelly, and a bottle of medicinal bleach.
Included in the thoughtful scare package were tickets to an America Party, a selection of rapid unscheduled disassembly products, and a horse's head called Peter Thiel.
It is unclear at this time which of the fake Donald Trumps opened the bundle, but the noise from the Oval Orifice was described as 'a bit SpaceXy'.
However, initial reports confirmed that Mark Zuckerberg was sat on the floor in the corner of his bedroom at someone else's mum's house rocking with his chin on his knees murmuring, 'No one ever sends me nuffink.'
