Russia appalled that politicians taking bribes is illegal

The Kremlin is disgusted at the massive mis-justice that Nathan Gill, the former leader of Reform UK Wales, who was always an upstanding gent, is found guilty of long term borrowing of their rubles. He just said a few nice things on their show and made some very valid points that Russia is just delightful and misunderstood. So they gratefully covered his expenses, and this turns out that is some sort of crime? Just wow.

A Kremlin spokesman, John Smithski (possibly not his real name) was asked about the “donations”. Speaking from his ground floor office with mattresses piled outside the windows, he said “Mr Gill looked hungry and a bit sad, is giving desperate MEPs a bit of spare change illegal now? The Russian Intelligence Services expected nothing in return. Absolutely nothing. Giving someone who is needy and pathetic a few quid and receiving no pro quo back is just being nice. Is being nice in Starmers Regime jailable now?”

Putin had always agreed with UKIP/Brexit Party/Reform that a divided Europe would be a much happier place and a strong independent UK would always enjoy a flourishing economy and Russia could look on misty eyed feeling so proud of them all.

For once, Nigel Farage was not available for a comment.

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Two heads are better than one is so last century, agrees Cerberus conference

Millions fooled by 'Nigel Mirage' say British geographers

'In our recent travels across the toxic landscape of British politics,' said a spokes-compass for the Royal Geographical Society, 'we have encountered a remarkable new phenomenon which we have named the 'Nigel Mirage'.

'A Nigel Mirage occurs when the leader of Reform announces what seems from a distance to be a radical and ruthless new policy proposal but which, when you get closer to it, suddenly disappears.

'For example, we saw Nigel claim that he would cut off welfare payments to migrants and save the Treasury £260 billion a year. But on closer inspection, it turned out there were hardly any categories of people that Nigel could actually take money away from, so the idea dissolved into thin air.

'Similarly, with Reform's schemes for mass deportations to El Salvador and Afghanistan. They loomed up in the shimmering distance, looking like monumentally important party policies. However, at the precise moment that Nigel started getting cross-examined in press conferences, these schemes magically vanished. All you could see in their place was Nigel shaking his head while claiming to have been misquoted by the media.

'The strange thing,' said the RGS spokes-atlas, 'is that moderate voters believe Nigel when he tells them that these hardline policy ideas were mere tricks of the light, and that he's actually a moderate guy.

'However, for voters on the hard right, these Nigel Mirages stick in the head and continue to look very real indeed. These voters carry on having the clear impression that if Reform gets into power, it will let migrants starve and then throw them out of Britain.

'It's almost as though,' the spokes-trigpoint mused, 'the Nigel Mirage was designed to work that way.'

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