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Zia Yusuf 'Happy to accept explanation'



Home affairs spokesman for Reform UK Zia Yusuf has said he is 'completely satisfied' with Nigel Farage's explanation as to why he has been blocked from standing as a candidate at by-elections.


Yusuf refuted suggestions that the block has anything at all to do with the colour of his skin. 'Yes, of course this idea crossed my mind at first,' said Yusuf, 'but I challenged Nigel about it, and he was frank and honest with me. He said he could give me five million reasons if he wished, but merely emphasised the fact that I am a blithering idiot. A useful face but absolutely not suitable to represent the party in Parliament. At first, I was dubious, but then when I saw the quality of the people who actually stood, and saw some of their social media output, I realised he was being harsh but fair.



Image: NewsBiscuit archive

Thousands flock to Burnham Man festival in Makerfield


Makerfield became the hottest entertainment spot in Britain as thousands crowded into the Burnham Man festival to vote for Andy the T-Shirt Mannequin and listen to his latest numbers: "Final Chance to Change" and "Hit the Road, Keir".


On the hard right stage, Reform UK's Bob the Plumber sung a sad ballad called "I Got Flushed Down the Toilet".


On the even harder right stage, Restore's Rupert Lowe, reprising his chosen role of human cockroach, entertained no one at all with his thrash metal rant: "Only 3,000 Votes? I'll Get You For This, You Bastards!"


And the BBC's Chris Mason did his ever popular act of stating the blindingly obvious with a monologue entitled: "There Might Be A Labour Leadership Contest, You Know".


Then, to the pensive strains of "Makerfield Of Dreams", festival goers drifted off, having realised that even if he did become PM there was little likelihood that Andy Burnham Man would do the job any better than Starmer.




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