NewsBiscuit Car Review: The F-Rage (Independent supplier)

Just appalling.

This appears to be a one-off vanity project which is more of a concept rather than a practical solution to peoples actual needs. It runs badly, struggles in any condition apart from its own carefully crafted environment where it can do no wrong.

The F-Rage is meant to imply aggression and power but instead looks dated and is clearly a compensation vehicle.

The company itself has changed names several times, which doesn’t exactly scream reliability. The sales splurge made many promises, and it has failed to meet any practically. Some of the internals are purchased through Russian suppliers which should be a massive concern.

As for aesthetics, it is clearly references the older times, unfortunately taking the worst aspects of it. It does get positive reviews from people who believe the publicity and don’t really look at the details and its poor performance, and might do well because of that. It does not meet EU safety and environmental regulations and weirdly takes some sort of pride in not doing so. It would be a nightmare to run in London, more suited to rolling up a gravel drive and belching out filth.

Despite the promises of unbelievable performance, the figures indicate it will be uneconomical and end up breaking apart. Fixing it is practically impossible, it is mainly made up from used, broken scraps that are already past their time.

Because of single bloody mindedness, there will be no European version, the user must be sat to the right no matter how dangerous that may be.

Pros

A great talking point

Easily identifies the gullible

Cons

Rather than separate cons, it is just one big one.

An absolute menace with no redeeming features.

Image: Author's own

Churchwardens struggling to keep Reform afloat

As news broke today that a part-time Churchwarden from Potters Bar has funnelled £200,000 into Reform in the last six months, the Churchwarden has spoken about the strain of finding the money to keep Reform UK Ltd afloat out of his non-existent salary.

'Nigel suggested it would be easy,' he said. 'After all, the Reform leader's girlfriend had managed to find nearly £1 million pounds to buy a house near Clacton, despite not having an income of any note.  I do some conveyancing,' he added, 'but I didn't get the Clacton gig.  'That would have made the donations so much easier.'

The Churchwarden is expected to make up some of the shortfall by advising on architectural landscaping, a subject he doesn't have any experience of.  'Apparently some foreign billionaire wants me to act as a consultant as long as I use the fee to help Reform out,' he said.

A Reform spokesman said Dear Leader would be able to help out with fundraising, if needed. 'He could arrange flowers on the occasional Sunday, as long as a photo-op was included.  And, of course, payment.  In crypto.' 

Image credit: perchance.org

A dark defection

-There was widespread shock and disbelief today as Satan announced that he was defecting from Hell.

'I know Hades has been the traditional Opposition to Heaven since time immemorial, but I didn’t really believe that our policies went far enough, and it felt like we were never going to get into power,” said the notorious fallen angel.

“Essentially we were just a rag-tag band of outrageous musicians, defrocked priests and ex-TV presenters,' continued the Dark Lord. 'It didn’t feel like we were a serious outfit actually prepared to take over the running of things. The idea of working with Nigel Farage, the Orange Anti-Christ emulator, and disgraced Tories whose sexual deviancy, dishonesty and venal corruption was too much even for the extreme-right of the Conservative Party to tolerate has been quite a temptation for rather a long time – and, as you know, temptation is my stock-in-trade.'

Polishing his trident, and with a glint in his eye, he added, 'But the opportunity to work with Robert Jenrick - the man who ordered the painting over of cartoon murals at a child asylum unit - lest they should make frightened and lonely children feel comforted - was just too good a chance to miss.'

He sat back in his throne and grimaced with satisfaction. 'So Reform felt like a natural – well, preternatural – move for me. Suella Braverman was just the icing on the cake.'

Image credit: perchance.org