Don’t mention the Taliban: I mentioned it once but I think I got away with it

Reform leaders are breathing normally again after Richard Tice’s recent intervieworial train crash revealed that the party plans to send millions of pounds to fund the Taliban in exchange for them taking some slightly brown people off our hands.

'Brown is brown', a spokesman might have said. 'Every little helps. We’ll never get back to one of the really good Dulux shades, but every tone lighter is worth a good hundred million'.

The obvious problem with sending millions to the Taliban is that it’s likely to be spent on terrorist training camps, which some observers have suggested might be a Bad Thing. Reform’s solution? Operation Don’t Mention The Taliban – a smorgasbord of nonsense policies to deflect attention from plans to directly fund terrorists from UK taxes. Possibly the silliest such policy is redefining the word 'indefinite' to mean 'until I say so', which has proven popular among lamppost & casual racism afficionados.

The other benefit of Operation Don’t Mention The Taliban is that it deflects attention from Nigel’s £900k house, which was apparently bought – quite normally - with cash his girlfriend saved up from waitressing tips.

Image: WixAI

Farage running out of shell companies

The leader of Reform Ltd is understood to be running out of shell companies to not run businesses from.  To date he appears to have at least three shell companies, possibly six, which don't appear to do anything, make anything or show signs of solvency.

At least two appear to have been put on winding up procedures before apparently being put on unwinding up procedures (winding down?), with at least one run, seemingly badly, by the girlfriend that did and didn't buy the house he doesn't use as a constituency home despite claiming he bought it as a constituency home several times until someone noticed he hadn't paid a stamp duty surcharge on it. 

Luckily for Mr Farage, his girlfriend, who doesn't appear to have an income, had nearly £1 million pounds in her bank account so she was able to pay cash.  Presumably he will be able to claim to heat the house from his expenses for the times he's not in it.

image from pixabay

www.newsbiscuit.com

Lego’s new Asylum Hotel set is their most expensive yet.

Lego has introduced its most expensive set this week, announcing the release of the Lego Ultimate Collection Series Asylum Hotel. Priced at £2bn it is Lego’s first-ever item to cost ten figures.

The 9,000-plus piece set means there is no shortage of bricks for their Lego rioters to lob at the Lego Police..

The new set is a vertical diorama set, has more than 15 rooms that depict many iconic scenes from the on going issues, “No Hope,” and “Return of the Immigrants,” according to the Reform Party’s website.

The set also contains 38 mini figures, including Nigel Farage, Lee Anderson and Dame Andrea Jenkyns in a sparkly blue jumpsuit, the company said on its website.

Lego’s previous set that was its most expensive was the part built HS2 railway, a 7,541-piece set which broke all records, costing several million pounds eight years ago.

Roughly 15 per cent of Lego’s sets are marketed for responsible adults, which rules out most of the Reform Party.

image from google gemini