Old guy who says 'it's a funny old world' not laughing

Edgar Chronic, 78, is known locally for his life mantra that 'it's a funny old world'. For some reason he stopped using the phrase when the winter fuel allowance was stopped last year and for reasons not fully understood failed to resume laughing after his daughter, Brenda, mentioned that she supported the watered down assisted dying bill.

Experts studying Edgar did discern a flicker of a smile when the US bombed Iran. He was heard to mutter something about everyone getting an assisted death now.

Photo by yerling villalobos on Unsplash

No budget for assisted dying, says Government

After voting for Assisted Dying last week, the government has told voters that there is no budget to pay for it.

Protestors have been out on the streets complaining about, yet another, "one rule for the rich and one rule for the poor" policy from the Starmer government. 

One protestor, Dave Simmons, from Tipton told Newsbiscuit, "Once again this government has passed legislation which only the very rich in society can take advantage of. My gran is on a life support and would love to die, but the government won't let her. At this rate she could live forever and we'll never get her house.

Opposition MPs are furious. Tory Shadow Minister for Health, Wealth and Happiness, Uriah Heap, told our reporter, 'This bill is an absolute disgrace. We, the Conservatives, are supposed to be the haters of the poor, not Labour. They're supposed to be the nice ones.'

Labour MP, Tony Capp, said, 'Relatives of the poor will just have to stick to the traditional methods of a toaster in the bathroom or marbles on the stairs. Anyway, I don't know why people are complaining, the removal of the Winter Fuel Allowance will finish a lot of them off.'

For-profit suicide? What could go wrong???

The plans to legalise assisted suicide, are to be outsourced to a private sector, renowned for it's safeguarding and prioritising of people over profits. No...hold on...what am I saying?!? Holy f*ck they are going to kill Grandma!!!!

Seriously, at the first sign of a cough they are going to melt us all down for glue. We are putting our trust into the same @rseholes pumping sh1t into our water supply and our TV screens.

They do not need a cash incentive to pull the plug, they are the same guys making our electricity bills so high, we will forced to pull our own plug.

Run Grandma. Run while you can!!!!!!!

image from pixabay

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