Obese fans demand fat Dr Who

A group of overweight Dr Who fans says that a fat Dr Who is long overdue.

The leader of the group said, 'We've had a whole range of Doctors - old, young, white, black, male and female. And not one of them was packing extra pounds.  Tom Baker was quite chubby when he was in the Randall and Hopkirk reboot, but that doesn't count.

'A fat Dr Who would be a role model to overweight kids everywhere.  Which means most of the kids in this country, at least.  You've got to play to your core audience.

'We think that it could be approached playfully...the Doctor gets stuck in TARDIS doors, the TARDIS is bigger on the inside but not big enough, Daleks don’t recognise him on account of the weight gain, the Doctor can't use his sonic screwdriver with sausage fingers…that sort of thing.

'Other fan groups are arguing their own cases. Some want a Welsh Doctor, or a lactose intolerant Doctor, an invisible Doctor, a vegan Doctor, a Doctor with two heads and three arms, all sorts of daft things.  All in good time, we say.   All we’re asking is for Billie Piper to bulk up.’

Image from pixabay

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Israel finally solves Gaza’s obesity crisis

Providing hope for weight-watchers and genocidal maniacs everywhere, Benjamin Netanyahu has managed to reduce the average weight in Gaza to negative figures. Said a spokeswoman: ‘In the last few years the weight of Palestinians had sky-rocketed, but once you took the rubble off them, they were loads lighter.’

Coupled with preventing food aid, the Israeli government have been able to enforce a rigid detox diet – if you count bread and water as toxic. ‘Helping them to shift that Christmas weight, despite Christians being 1% of the population. And those who did not even know they were fat, have felt the pounds drop off – along with unwanted arms and legs.’

Those trapped in Gaza have been less than complimentary about the low carb diet they have been put on. Despite everyone now being the kind of thin only a 1990’s super model could dream over, many are demanding actual food. She said she was not disheartened by Palestinian complaints: ‘You can’t win with those guys. It’s always feast or famine.’

image from pixabay

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Fat athletes to compete at the Ozempics

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