top of page
Search

Parking spaces widened for obese vehicles

Writer: Wally Dug
Wally Dug
Oct 5

Vehicle parking spaces at Kendal's Westmorland Shopping Centre have been widened from the standard 2.4m wide to 2.6m wide.


This was needed because modern cars are suffering an obesity crisis and are much wider than older ones. For example, a classic Mini was just over 1.4 metres wide but the modern equivalent is almost 2 metres wide. This is an impressive example of middle-aged spread.


Despite the best efforts of green politicians, climate activists, and that old guy across the road who just won't shut up about it and who moans about it to anyone who happens to be passing his house, car manufacturers have done nothing to address the issue.


Motorists with wide cars should perhaps consider if they are themselves too wide. Maybe they should be giving the McDonald's drive-thru a wide berth?



Image credit: ChatGPT



Why not join our WhatsApp channel, NewsBiscuit Daily Posts? You can access the latest output from NewsBiscuit and share posts easily with friends, family and colleagues using WhatsApp. Get some biscuits in your pocket (sorry about the crumbs, though) by clicking here

Latest dietary advice from the USA

Writer: Titus
Titus
Feb 16

'Stop eating three square meals a day and stick to continuously snacking, round the clock, on circular ones' is the advice from the fast food industry.


'Circular food - pizzas, burgers, buns and cookies - is the best. Just look at the consumers. Happy, well-fed people are round, not square. Square meals, like beans-on-toast or even tins of sardines, are OK as far as they go, but that isn't very far, because of the corners.'


'We don't roll with them. Or - much more importantly - make masses of money from them.'



Government plans to give food vouchers to obese people

Writer: Raggers
Raggers
Aug 26, 2025


Health Chiefs are considering a scheme where obese people who lose weight are rewarded with supermarket vouchers.

A spokesman for the Department of Health said, “We think this incentive is an excellent way to encourage those who are overweight to drop a few pounds. Of course, we realise there is a chance the fat b*stards will spend the vouchers on cakes and biscuits - but as most supermarkets display their fresh fruit and veg near the store entrance, the lazy lard-arses will have to walk past all that to get to the unhealthy food, so at least they’ll have had a bit of extra exercise.”

When asked if the government was concerned about the burden of obesity related illnesses on the NHS, the spokesman said, “Not really - have you seen how long NHS waiting lists are now? Most of the fat f*ckers will probably have eaten themselves to death, or grown too big to leave the house long before they’ve got any chance of being seen by a doctor.”


The government is also considering rewarding people who cut down their alcohol consumption with Wetherspoons vouchers.



First published 26 Aug 2022



If you enjoyed this archive item, why not buy thousands of archive stories found in our eBooks, paperbacks and hardbacks?















bottom of page