top of page

Any of the last five polished Prime Minister turds could have said these words, so it doesn't matter which f*cking one. All demonstrated A-stars in cowardice, earned a First in tragic incompetence, graduated with full honours in piss poor decision making, and were top of their classes in disguising basic knowledge acquisition.


Random chimps with no formal education at all would have done better.


Unhelpfully, there isn't a random chimp party you can vote for, so we're all still stuck with this procession of brain ache.








Boris Johnson has denied that he knew that people having a party in his garden were having a party in his garden.

"Furthermore, I am delighted to announce that former - or should I say, the real - President, Donald Trump will confirm that he was on the phone to me when I was supposed to hearing about the so-called party."

Mr Trump confirmed this; "I can announce this announcement; Barry Johnson is a close, close friend of mind. Top guy. I knew him when he was a student of mine at Oxford and Cambridge University in Stratford-on-Avon. He definitely didn't say he was arranging a bigly party. I'd have remembered, I have a great memory. Gary Johnson, great guy. We talked about science stuff and the vaccinofe I'd invented. May my skin turn orange if it's not true."


bottom of page