Protestor with ‘papulation receptionists’ banner arrested by the Anagram Police

An elite squad of cryptic crossword solvers has been recruited to police Britain’s growing menace: vicars and retired accountants hellbent on supporting proscribed organisation P_________n A____n.

‘Normally they’d be solving complex yet comfortingly non-violent murders’, a police spokesman told us. ‘You know the sort of thing – Oxbridge lecturer poisoned with curare, wealthy businessman dies inside locked room – proper puzzles.

‘We got through the first wave of terror supporters fairly easily: their banners just said “I support Palestine Action” so we knew we could arrest them. Then they started getting whimsical, with stuff like: “I don’t support Palestine Inaction” – we considered consulting a lawyer, but then thought: “fuck it” and arrested them anyway. I’ve never held with lady vicars’.

Now the evil pensioners have resorted to wordplay, forcing police to put numerous cosy murder mysteries on hold while they protect the public from the imminent threat of genocide-dislikers.

‘We don’t make the law’, the spokesman said, ‘we just enforce it. Selling weapons to a genocidal regime is perfectly legal and the sooner these cardboard-wielding fanatics realise that, the better. Bastards’.

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UK recognises Palestine is now very flat

About 100 years too late, the UK has said it will recognise the State of Palestine, now that it is pretty much destroyed. Palestinians agreed that it was nice to be recognised, but it would have been nicer to be recognised while they were still alive.

The formal process involves handing over a treaty, unfortunately the UK can find lots of Palestian hands, but no actual arms connected to them. An aide of Sir Keir explained: 'This isn't the sort of thing you want to rush. It's much easier to give sufficient land to the Palestinians if the population is zero.' Said one diplomat. 'What's the State of Palestine? I'd say it was in a pretty bad state.'

Image: Jade Koroliuk (@jadekoroliuk) | Unsplash Photo Community

Old lady arrested for calling her cat Palestine Action

"We are taking into custody one Ena Sharples, 73 years old, of Arnos Grove," WPC Merkava of Hampshire Police told reporters outside the woman's Portsmouth home, "on suspicion of having a cat called Palestine Action.

"Neighbours told us she renamed the animal in August and since then has been coming out of her house with a handful of Dreamies every day and shouting 'Palestine Action!' repeatedly, up and down the street.

"You don't get round the Anti-terrorism Act that easily. Besides, we on the force think Palestine Action is a stupid name for a cat.

"We are also confiscating Ms Sharples' goldfish, Shining Path, and three white mice which she says are the Baader-Meinhof Red Army Faction. I honestly believe this old lady has a screw loose.

"People should give their pets law-abiding, inoffensive names," WPC Merkava continued, as a Hampshire Police SWAT team battered down Ena Sharples' front door.

"For example, I have two rottweilers called Mossad and IDF."

image from pixabay