Old lady arrested for calling her cat Palestine Action

"We are taking into custody one Ena Sharples, 73 years old, of Arnos Grove," WPC Merkava of Hampshire Police told reporters outside the woman's Portsmouth home, "on suspicion of having a cat called Palestine Action.

"Neighbours told us she renamed the animal in August and since then has been coming out of her house with a handful of Dreamies every day and shouting 'Palestine Action!' repeatedly, up and down the street.

"You don't get round the Anti-terrorism Act that easily. Besides, we on the force think Palestine Action is a stupid name for a cat.

"We are also confiscating Ms Sharples' goldfish, Shining Path, and three white mice which she says are the Baader-Meinhof Red Army Faction. I honestly believe this old lady has a screw loose.

"People should give their pets law-abiding, inoffensive names," WPC Merkava continued, as a Hampshire Police SWAT team battered down Ena Sharples' front door.

"For example, I have two rottweilers called Mossad and IDF."

image from pixabay

Israel claims Palestine was playing tinny music from its phone

The all-out annihilation of Palestine - ideally accompanied by the death of all Palestinians - can now proceed with an active chorus of international approval, after the Israeli government claimed that Palestine was listening to tinny versions of Ibiza anthems from its phone speaker whilst on the bus.

One Netanyahu apologist added, 'Asking them to put headphones on is only giving the terrorists what they want. The only logical response to this moderately rude behaviour is the total destruction of Gaza, the annexation of the West Bank and the killing of every Palestinian man woman and child.

'Now that we've made up this obvious lie, we can really accelerate the slaughtering. Hooray! From the river, to the sea, from tinny tunes, we shall be free.'

Image credit: perchance.org

Tony Blair to save Palestine...for dessert

The Grim Reaper in chinos has decided to be a c$☆% again, but proposing a solution for the Palestinians. How final it is, is yet to be seen, but he promised to toast a ceasefire with some fava beans and a nice chianti.

The Tony Blair Institute (TBI) has already suggested cleansing Gaza, and Tony was very keen to finish what he started. He boasted, Oasis were not the only ones revisiting their 90s war crimes.

Dubbed the Harold Shipman of Peace, he hoped to return to the scene of his war crimes. Blair warned that Palestinians were 45 minutes away from launching stones at the UK, but 600 hours from their next lunch. Meanwhile the TBI would create a road map to peace - just don't look to see who is buried underneath it.

Image: gerhardy - Pixabay

www.newsbiscuit.com