Emmanuel Macron, star of such erotic films as Emmanuelle, Emmanuelle The Joys of a Woman, Goodbye Emmanuelle, Emmanuelle 4, 5, 6 and 7, has been re-elected President of France. As a re-elected President, Macron may now style himself as 'Le Grande Fromage'.
His opponent was Marine Le Pen and there was general relief among non-racists everywhere that Le Pen proved not to be mightier than anything. She did remember to hide her racist light under a racist bushel for most of her campaign, with slogans such as 'I'm not racist (wink)', 'OK fine, I’m not as racist (as my dad)' and 'Let’s paint the Eiffel Tower white'. A spokesman for Le Pen said ‘France for the French – oh, how did that suitcase full of rubles get there? I guess we’ll never know.’
The birthday cake that Boris Johnson was given in June 2020 is tipped to be Britain's next Prime Minister, according to Downing Street insiders today.
Speaking from behind the bike sheds at no 10 and furtively sipping a glass of tap water, an aide said "the Party is looking for something bright, relatable and that everyone would fancy a bit of. The cake stands out way ahead of the other contenders, especially when it's candles are lit. Admittedly, it's a bit stale, the cream filling has gone off a bit by now and the whole thing will probably need to go in the bin soon, but then.. excuse me - hello Prime Minster! Yes of course it's vodka."
However, there is no guarantee that Britain can look forward to a sweet sponge-based government, as it's understood that the cake has also had a lucrative offer from the BBC to be its new chief political reporter, based on its skill in ambushing politicians.