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Earlier this month Waveney Valley MP Adrian Ramsay asked for a pause in the 'controversial' 114-mile (184-km) scheme that could run from Norwich to Tilbury in Essex.


Plans to build a line of pylons across Norfolk, Suffolk and Essex have left residents 'in despair', councillor Keith Kidder has claimed.


Keith Kidder, Conservative county councillor for Diss and Datt, said, 'I've never seen people either quite so angry or quite so in despair over these proposals.'


Dan Snooper, chairman of the scrutiny committee, said they opposed the 'pylon-icide' with every fibre of their being.


'We feel the pylon plan is an absolutely unacceptable genocide,' he said. 'It doesn't bring benefits to Norfolk, there are alternative technologies out there, which haven't been fully explored, or even discovered yet.


'We are all at risk of death from getting a terrible crick in the neck from looking up at them. We are not used to that round here, it's all on the flat. Vertical things are very challenging to some of the older residents. They suffer from vertigo if they stand near a lamppost for too long.'


Several of the locals have already started wearing neck braces, to get them used to holding their heads steady. Others have even been seen in hoodies to block out the sight of the proposed erections.


Jilly Barmey, who said the pylons would be built 200m (656ft) from her house near Bunwell, south Norfolk, said the proposal had already affected her daily life.


'There is no thought for the death and destruction that pylons would bring to many of our most neurotic and sensitive communities.


'I think of it every day. It's impossible for me to exist in the countryside I love without imagining these horrible, huge pylons dominating everything and looking menacing and threatening and spoiling what we hold dear, like big Nazi megastructures.


'The worst thing is, it will hit house prices.'



Image credit: Wix AI


Jacob Rees-Mogg has confessed that he's taking a bit of time to adapt to his new position of being the 'character' in his local pub. 


'When one is a government minister, one's opinions carry a certain weight - which I certainly don't measure in kilograms,' explained 'Sir' Jacob. 'However, it's been explained to me that after losing the election, I am not only no longer a minister, I'm, unaccountably, also not even allowed in the building without asking my MP for permission. So I have accepted a position of approaching strangers in a local hostelry and providing them with ridiculous opinions. I think the retirement age should be 90; sorry, that just slipped out.'



Image credit: Wix AI



Holding pints of beer, they have no intention of drinking, then wondering when the canapés will be served, politicians will once again feign interest in the plebs. With an election overlapping with the Euros, every party leader will be forced to wear an obligatory England shirt, still with the tags on.


As their police escort clears the room of any real people. they will pose naturally in pubs, in front of a team of press photographers they had coincidentally bumped into. All the while practising the names of their favourite players, like Harry Bellingham, Bobby Shearer and Ian Botham.


One part leader insisted he is an ardent fan, right up until England lose. 'Ever since I started following

Manchester Rovers, I've always been a supporter of ruggerball. Who can forget Gazza's tears when he sung nessun dorma? Or when Geoff Capes scored his World Cup triple? As a die hard Liverpool Red Socks fan, I can safely say 'it's coming home', although I don't know what 'it' is.'


Image: Newsbiscuit

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