In the most damage done yet by an enemy of America, Donald Thump has turned the White House into a pile of rouble, sorry.., rubble.
A spokes-denier said, 'No, nothing has happened and everything is fine. I SAID NOTHING HAS HAPPENED AND EVERYTHING IS FINE. That noise? No, that's nothing, and certainly not collapsing masonry. And definitely not symbolic of what we're doing to the entire country.
'That missing entire front wall of the East Wing was like that when we got here.
'Those massive diggers and bulldoz... oh for farages sake... it's the fault of staff taking pictures. Otherwise, no one would have noticed.
'Okay, okay, okay. Look, it's the White House, so it was a blank canvas to work with. The President is just putting his Trumpstamp on it.
'It's going to be the bigliest most decadent ballsup... I mean ballroom... I can't faraging think straight with all this racket going on.'
An upgraded spokes-denier with earplugs appeared through clouds of demolition dust to continue.
'The plans for the grand ballroom will not in any way impact on the integrity of the White House,' confirmed Russia. 'Maybe we build safe sanctuary for underage girls, maybe strip club. Maybe we construct underground golf course beneath, maybe we build underground ice rink for next leader of America.
'Maybe Crassnob stay, maybe Crassnob go. Maybe we flip it to Chinese in prime real estate deal. Maybe we level whole thing for big Kremlin laugh. Whatever. How you say? None of your American business. We own now.'
Regardless of the outcome, until freedom of dressing up as a frog expression has been reinstated in Portland, the White House is renamed The Snowflake House.
