March 2025
Back in March 2025 UK politics was still about ‘tough decisions’, with the government slashing some benefit payments, including personal independence payments (PIPs). It also scrapped NHS England because the Departnent for Health can do all of its work cheaper and better. There was an embarrassing prison escape which turned out to be less of a one-off and more of a regular thing. And three Bulgarians are found guilty of spying for Russia.
In the US, Donald Trump famously invited Voldymyr Zelenskyy to the White House, and was then extremely rude to him, with JD Vance egging him on. Donald’s well thought-through solution to the war was to give Russia large chunks of Ukraine as a down payment, until Putin could come back for the rest of the country. Donald continued to lay claim Greenland, and to moan about Mexico. Avian flu was running riot and Americans were moaning about the price of eggs. Meanwhile, on Netflix, Meghan Markle was just moaning.
In international news, beyond the things and places being messed up by the USA, the Pope was in hospital with pneumonia. Maybe that was America’s fault as well. And the BBC was criticised for serious flaws in a documentary about Gaza, prompting the usual calls for heads on sticks.
Here is a selection of the top NewsBiscuit stories from March 2025. Click through to read the stories and see the author credits. Scroll down to see some of the month’s best headlines.
UK politics
American news
Other news
Headlines
UK politics
Prison admits escaped convict asked for packed lunch
Charles feigns illness to avoid trip to Birmingham
Government restores political interference to the NHS
Boris Johnson marks fifth anniversary of Covid with cheese and wine party
Russian spies in Great Yarmouth? - Norfolk enchants
VE day, 80 years of peace if you don't count Korea, Falklands, Iraq, Afghanistan, Ireland
The world of work
Baker sacked for putting her hair in a bun
Struggling doorbell company asks staff to push harder
Excited dressmaker is frilled to bits
Etch A Sketch company to undergo 'shake up'
US politics and war in Ukraine
US partial ceasefire: Ukraine stops shooting, Russia doesn't
Trump rethinks wall plan as CIA says Mexicans have ladders
Yanks argue whether their chicken or egg shortage came first
Russia keen on 'big piece' deal
Donald Trump has entered the chat... bomb emoji, smiley face emoji
Trump promises Greenlanders their own Reservations and cheap liquor
Other news
Bed-blocker Pope to be discharged from hospital
M1 closed after lorry carrying shedloads of sheds, sheds load of sheds
City of culture now awash with yoghurt
I wasn't expecting the AA man - he gave me a start
Origami disaster - events still unfolding
Image credit: deep dream generator
Darth Vader appears to be reluctant to relinquish his tight, black leather grip on his title and finds Starmer’s lack of faith in him disturbing.
The prime Minister made the following statement: 'We knew of his ties to the disgraced Emperor, Darth Sidious, who wanted to establish absolute eternal rule over the galaxy, before we rehired him. However, Darth assured us, with a simple hand gesture and prompting phrase, that we should just move on. I feel deceived by him to be honest; as it turns out he was building a gargantuan space station armed with a planet destroying laser. We should have seen the signs, and we failed to act, and for that we are truly sorry.'
He continued, 'Being a lifetime appointed Dark Lord of the Sith, Darth Vader can still use that title even after being severely spoken to and tutted at. He was appointed because he had excellent experience in dealing with certain types of people, and was able to manipulate and control weak-minded…..oooohh, I see the issue now.'
There had been many complaints of Lord Vader frightening people with his sorcerer's ways, and he was known to be difficult to work with. It was public knowledge of his association with the evil empire, and there were even compromising photographs of Vader in his pants holding a clipboard. Victims of the Empire’s atrocities were particularly livid about his appointment, especially survivors of the destroyed planet of Alderaan.
Keir finished with, 'As you must be aware, removing a title is very complicated, and the whole process is quite cumbersome. There are all sorts of legal hurdles from the old days and there is the risk of having a lightsabre remove your head, so there is that to consider. We sent HR to touch base with Vader, but he force choked them and threw them against a wall.'
Image credit: perchance.org