Reform receive enough bricks in the post to build a new HQ

The limited company masquerading as a political party, Reform UK, have announced an interesting side effect of their latest marketing campaign; enough bricks sent back via their freepost envelope to build an entirely new headquarters.

At a press conference, head of recruitment Jack Boots elaborated on the plan, telling reporters, 'It's been a great success. We expected to get people's personal information so that we could sell it on for profit to supportive media like the Daily Telegraph, or to any flag manufacturers. However, what's actually happened is people sending us building materials like bricks, gravel, and concrete. Once we'd sorted those from the glitter and potential anthrax, we found we've got enough for an office near Tufton Street, saving on journeys to receive our orders, I mean requests from ordinary hard-working alarm-clock Britons. We've had clearance to build on a brownfield site, and already had a surge of volunteers eager to help. To be fair, some had got confused over what brownfield meant, and we did have to refer a few of the people who misunderstood to the Police.'

Showing attendees plans for the new edifice, Boots explained the goal behind the aesthetic. 'It's harking back to classic London,' he remarked, 'but with modern provisions. We've added a direct tunnel to the Savoy to avoid embarrassing moments where Nigel's been caught walking to restaurants for an oyster lunch rather than being in Westminster to do mundane things like work or vote on behalf of his constituents. Also, while we've tried to keep a Georgian look, the building is made with modern regulations in mind. We were struggling with insulation, but we're able to fill the cavity wall with wattle and daub because as well as the bricks, we've received enough excrement in the post to make that possible.'

Image credit: Stable Diffusion

Similarities of Mechanically Recovered Meat and Reform Policies

Reformed meat, the worst kind of meat, has similarities with Reform Policies, the worst kind of policies.

How Mechanically Recovered Meat is made

• Meat is separated from flesh-bearing bones or poultry carcasses through a high-pressure mechanical process

• The meat is pushed through a sieve, or similar device, to separate it from the bones

• This process modifies or destroys the original muscle fibre structure, resulting in a paste-like consistency

• The final product can be used to bulk up other meat products

• The end result is a mound of paste like slurry, consisting of meat, fat, and gristle

How a Reform Policy is made 

• Policies are separated from Conservative Manifestos, and YouTube comments sections, through high-pressure verbal abuse

• The proposal is pushed through a narrow-minded focus group, or similar method, to separate it from reason

• This process modifies or destroys the original policy structure, resulting in poor consistency

• The final product can be used to bulk up other empty manifesto promises

• The end result is a policy that is liked by mounds of paste like slurry, consisting of meat, fat, and gristle

Image credit: perchance.org

Where IS Russian Foreign Minister Lavrov?