Restaurant inexplicably refusing to use £ signs on menu

There is absolutely no reason, apart from utter pretentiousness and a desire to appear trendy for not using the £ sign in front of any items on their food and drink menus, a restaurant has confirmed.

The Hog and Farrier , an upmarket eaterie in Hoxton, London, serves sliders (8.5 each) artisan cheeseboards (16), grazing platters. (13.25) and mixed mezes (11.75) alongside craft beers (4-6.25 per schooner) carefully curated by a resident hop sommelier.

‘We haven’t used £ signs in front of our menu prices for some time now’ said Martin Da Costa, Deputy Libation and Gastronomy Manager. ‘It definitely makes us seem more edgy somehow, and elevates the description of our food items to an even higher level.

‘ ‘3 kinds of olives, infused with Mediterranean oils and topped with soft organic feta’, sounds so much more appealing when it’s followed by 9.5, instead of £9.50.’

‘There’s that added air of mystery to it with the customer left to work out whether it is £, euros, dollars, maybe even Saudi riyals, or Mexican pesos’, continued Da Costa.

‘If you gave me 1.00 for every time I was asked when we were going to stop this pretentious practice of not using £ signs on our menus, I’d be a rich man’, concluded Da Costa.

image from pixabay

Pound coin you dropped down the gap between the driver's seat and bulkhead is mocking you

A pound coin you dropped down the side of your car seat is openly mocking you and there’s nothing you can do about it.

It made its move at McDonald's drive-thru window last Thursday while you were counting out the cash for your order.

As you passed it over to the spotty youth, the pound made its move and leapt from your hand before disappearing down the narrow crack between the edge of your seat and the dividing bulkhead.

Despite pissing off everybody in the queue for a full three minutes as you desperately tried to retrieve it, in the end you were forced to admit defeat and reluctantly pay by card instead.

Service Technician Dave Clifford explains. ‘Modern cars are designed so that if you do drop anything between the seats, it can never be retrieved without having special tools to dismantle the whole front half of your cockpit. More often than not that's going to be a total rebuild, sometimes costing thousands.'

You remain adamant you will somehow get the pound, but Dave only cackles manically: ‘Mwuhahaha! Yeah, you try, squire. You haven't a hope. End of.'

Kwasi Kwarteng "still hopeful" for employee of the month award

The chancellor, Kwasi Kwarteng, is reported to have cleared a space on a side cabinet for an Employee of the Month award.

"He's surprisingly optimistic.", said a treasury spokesman. "I have explained that destroying the pound, humiliating the party and pushing mortgage rates through the roof isn't an ideal start to a career."

Your reporter repeated these reservations to Mr Kwarteng who responded, "Well, I think you'll find there's more to the job that running the economy. I carried a tray of champagne for some mates at a do the other day and they seemed jolly appreciative; that counts for something."

When it was pointed out that the Treasury doesn't actually have an employee of the month award. Mr Kwarteng responded, "Well, it will after my conference speech. And might I add, I've a really tidy desk; the prime-minister asked me to clear it this morning."

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photo: https://pixabay.com/users/mohamed_hassan-5229782/