It has been reported that Virgil Griffin, a noted critic of the UK monarchy and who was believed to have damaging information on a senior Royal, has suddenly but possibly not unexpectedly committed suicide by shooting himself in the back a dozen times.
Griffin made headlines a few weeks ago when he announced he had information on an unnamed senior member of the Royal family which he claimed would 'shock the foundation of this country to the core'. The Royals denied that Griffin, who they called 'delusional and may likely do harm to himself some day', could possibly have any kind of dirt on them. Even though, they refused to sue him out of principal before offering to give him several million pounds purely as a 'token courtesy gesture'.
A police spokesman has stated that 'following an extensive two-hour investigation we can conclude that Mr Griffin absolutely and definitely killed himself by taking out a handgun and shooting himself in the back twelve times. We did consider the possibility of misadventure as Griffin was extremely accident prone, as just before killing himself Griffin broke his own leg, gave himself two black eyes, knocked out several of his teeth and he'd also somehow stamped on his own fingers. Anyway, this is clearly an open-and-shut case so we need to just move on.'
The police have also urged people to ignore recent social media posts by Mr Griffin in which he claimed:
'They're out to get me!'
'I think I'm being followed'
'If something happens to me, check the hard drive of my computer'
'I have absolutely no intention of committing suicide, that's something I can guarantee'
'Clearly the ramblings of a severely paranoid man, best we brush these aside' claimed the police spokesman when asked about this, before quickly adding that Mr Griffin had also accidentally smashed up and burnt his computer as well.
When contacted a Royal aide said they were extremely sorry to hear about Griffin's suicide, while insisting the sounds of a celebration in the background were from next door, honestly.
