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The Conservative party has suspended the use of court warrants to force entry into yachts and mansions to fit prepayment meters. An undercover investigation by the Times appears to show a group of senior Tory MPs banging on the door of a Mayfair building before a team of locksmiths and accountants force their way inside.


Vladimir Lobamolotov, a single parent oil trader with close ties to the Kremlin, was too frightened to open his door. Once entry had been gained, the accountants connected his bank account to a direct payment meter.


‘I was terrified,’ said Mr Lobamolotov. ‘I said I was having difficulty keeping up my payments to the party, but they had no sympathy. They said if I didn’t pay, I would have no power.’


The Conservative party treasurer said he had absolutely no idea his MPs were breaking into the homes of vulnerable billionaires and has suspended the practice, focusing instead on helping them consolidate their bungs into a more manageable tariff.



image from pixabay


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The UK television channel GB News has been recognised by the RSPB for its socially aware and progressive programming policies. Indeed, it is now recognised as a major wildlife sanctuary, providing a refuge for severely damaged and potentially dangerous creatures.


"Most of the species we have welcomed and cared for have only got one wing. Their right, of course. But we are able to keep them confined and secure and give them a place where they feel at home. Listen to them chatter away! They're as happy as can be in here!"


An observer commented, "I think this is a wonderful facility. All these Swivel-Eyed Twites, Madus hatteris, captive in the one place. The m. hatteris Faragina, m. hatteris Cleesiensis and the m. hatteris Portillo. I'm especially keen to see the latest m. hatteris Reesmoggerus once it has settled in and found its perch."


Another bystander added an alternative benefit, "This is magnificent and I can't thank GB News enough. By attracting and containing all these Swivel-Eyed Twites I now know that there is only one channel I need to avoid instead of having them popping up all over the networks. That, in itself, makes it worth having this refuge for them."



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