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Slow Horses to sue Reform over copyright infringement

Spy comedy writer Mick Herron is rumoured* to be considering legal action after discovering that Reform is really just Slough House for Tories.


Slough House is Herron’s fictional home for failed spies, the MI5 dumping ground where washouts (aka Slow Horses) are banished to spend their days in pointless tasks, ruled over by an obnoxious, foul-mouthed chain-smoking tramp with Russian connections.


‘Reform is uncannily similar’, a fan told us. ‘If you’re not good enough to be a Conservative MP – hardly the highest of bars – they send you to Reform where you’re forced to criticise your own actions from a few days earlier. Pretty humiliating’.


On the plus side, Slow Horses has quite a high bodycount.


*By ‘rumoured’ we mean ‘somebody, somewhere, might have said this’. Obvs.



Reform campaign for bots to get universal suffrage

'Bots are such an integral part of daily life,' said a spokesman, possibly an AI agent, for Reform UK Ltd, 'that it's impossible to imagine daily debate on social media without them'.


'How else would we know who is a retard? Where would we learn that someone posing seemingly sensible fiscal arguments to Reform policy is actually a leftist moron, cry harder, voting Reform anyway?' he/it added.


'All we are suggesting is that every constituency has 100,000 bots given the vote. Do we need to blockchain ourselves to virtual railings to make our point?' the bot asked.



Wave of gratitude for Reform


British citizens have today expressed their overwhelming gratitude to the Reform Party.


‘Reform aren’t all bad,’ said Colin Popp, a resident of Clacton.  ‘There’s lots of criticism of Reform and Farage, but we should all give credit where it’s due. We all need to give a massive thank you to Reform for finally shutting up those gobby right-wing Tories.


‘Since Robert Jenrick joined Reform, we haven’t heard a peep from him.  What a relief!  No stupid stunts chasing tube fare dodgers.  No more embarrassing videos from migrant camps in France.  No more WhatsApp cock-ups.  Genius.


‘Same with Suella Braverman.  We had to put up with the big stupid event when she joined Reform.  But since then, a brilliant, perfect silence.  No more tirades about the wokerati.  No more nonsense about sending migrants to Rwanda.  No more diatribes about the failure of multiculturalism.  Listen hard.  Can you hear anything?  No you can’t.  Perfect.


‘You have to admire party discipline in Reform.  The price of your future career is you complete and utter loyalty – and your complete and utter silence.  Well done, Nigel.  We owe you one. 


'There are a few more MPs that we would dearly like to silence – can we send you a list?'


image from grok


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