Biologists discover irremovable crustacean called Keir Starmacle

From NewsBiscuit special correspondent herculepoisson

Marine biologists have today found a new form of crustacean with unprecedented qualities of adhesion.

'What's unique about this creature is that it is a land-based barnacle,' said Professor Steve Simpson of the University of Plymouth. 'It seems to adhere to exclusive central London properties and then refuse, under any circumstances, to relinquish its grip and leave.'

The more common marine-based crustaceans are noted for their tendency to attach themselves to large shipping vessels, often causing significant drag and slowing the progress of everyone on board.

'There is no indication that the Keir Starmacle has ears and is swayed by outside noise,' continued Simpson. 'To all intents and purposes it appears utterly lifeless, but good luck removing the bugger.'

Concerned Whitehall residents are exploring all options to remove the unsightly crustacean, and this afternoon Wes Streeting and Andy Burnham were seen leaving a local Screwfix holding a high-powered pressure washer.

Author: herculepoisson

Image credit: perchance.org

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