UK’s biggest telescope unable to find any funding

Jodrell Bank, the UK’s biggest telescope, faces closure unless it can find some funding. Despite being a glorified magnifying glass, it has so far been unable to do this, despite peering down the sides of the sofa in the staff canteen.

Suggestions for self-funding have come primarily from 1970s perverts hoping to use the device not to look up at the heavens, but to look up women’s skirts, or seeing if Nigel Farage has £5 million in crypto to use it to find a Brexit benefit. 

One astronomer said 'They’re all a bunch of Jodrell Bank-ers. But here’s the thing. Jodrell Bank is part of the University of Manchester. Did you hear that Burnham… Manchester. I think we’ll be alright, our kid.'

'Anyway, the chances of anything coming from Mars are a million to one.' he said.

Commenting from a nearby flying saucer, one alien commented. ‘Now the puny Earthlings will never see us coming!’

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

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