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Johnson only visited Kyiv to scope out local tax laws



Boris Johnson recently visited Ukraine to determine its suitability as somewhere for Tory cabinet ministers and their spouses to be domiciled but obviously not to live.


Tory intern Henry Hootington-Hurst said 'The Channel and Cayman Islands are a bit passé these days. For elite tax dodging, you've got to start hitting war zones. If you get caught, you disguise it as a photo op with a younger, more charismatic, more popular leader and donate them some weapons.'


'Alternatively you can throw a little shiny-suited strop and demand an inquiry into how your wife's dubious non-dom status leaked and keep the story of you as Scrooge McDuck alive for longer. Rishi can no longer get aroused unless he can see the raw desperation in the eyes of the proletariat. First he lowers his tax liability, then his trousers.'



First published 12 April 2022


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Chancellor makes all taxes optional



In a surprise announcement Chancellor Rishi Sunak has said that as of Monday, all taxes will be optional.


"This expands our existing policies", explained Mr Sunak. "Up until now, optional taxes were available to the Royal family, my wife and other very rich people but now, people will be able to choose whether or not to pay taxes."


The new policy has experienced some teething problems; with long queues at shops as customers debate whether they have to pay VAT.


Chris Grayling has been seen arguing at a book shop that he shouldn't pay the 0% tax on his purchases and demanding a refund.


Lord Lebedev added, "Я люблю брать деньги у британских идиотов."





First published 11 April 2022


If you enjoyed this archive item, why not buy thousands of archive stories found in our eBooks, paperbacks and hardbacks?

















Labour party aims to best the Tories


 Labour Party activists are excited by the chance to put one over on the Tories.


0ne insider told us, 'When the Tories sacked Theresa May, they set in motion a downward doom spiral from which they never recovered. Boris, partygate, internal divisions, scandal, defections, Liz Lettuce, Kwazy Kwasi and then Rishi got the hospital pass and finally a massive election wipe out.'


'Labour is at the top of that ski slope. If we can push out Keir, then we can ignore the national interest and just rip the party to pieces. Andy Burnham! Angela Rayner! Lucy Powell! Anas Sarwar! It'll be brutal. No-one will come out alive. It'll be so much better than sorting out railways or hospitals or benefit or housing. Finally, some real political drama. I'm so excited. I can't wait. We're going to make the Tories look like rank amateurs at self-destructive in-fighting and civil war!'


image from pixabay

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