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ERG denies outbreak of unity within Tory parliamentary party



It appears today that no one, with possible exception of the Mail's Andrew Pierce, believes the Tory Party has embraced the concept of unity.


An unnamed source for extreme right wing reactionary conservative nutjobs, the ERG said: 'What's that? We're all now singing off the same hymn sheet? Are you kidding? This is the Tory Party. Next you'll be telling me the Earth's not flat and Suella Braverman isn't utterly heartless.'


And one member of the inner circle close to sacked business secretary, Jacob Rees-Mogg said: 'Well of course that's all very well, but I happen to know Jacob's pretty sore over losing his cabinet place. Particularly, as he'd been putting a lot of legwork and time into plans to create a revamped East India Company and introduce a new national serf scheme.'



Rishi Sunak not expected to say anything before 2024



The new prime-minister is expected to continue his successful policy of silence into number 10.


A Sunak supporter has explained the decision:


"If you look back at the previous 4 prime ministers, pretty much everything that's gone wrong is down to them opening their big, stupid mouths. Not saying anything has won him the support of the majority of MPs and he is now the prime minister. This is all as a result of not saying a thing; in fact, technically I don't think he's even said he's standing as leader."


When asked when we could expect any kind of statement of policy from Mr Sunak, the supporter explained. "Never. Personally, I don't think he'll say anything before the next election and probably not afterwards."


It's expected that future PMQs will take the form of interpretive mime.



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