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New research published today reveals the average wait in the queue of your local post office is more stressful than trying to navigate your way around the M25 in Friday afternoon rush hour.


Retail Analyst, Penny Woolmer, explains. ''You may join a queue to buy a first class stamp, with only two people in front of you, but our data shows 94% of the time the person at the window is sending 11 parcels to eBay customers.


'Just as they're about to leave you hear, "Oh, I had better get a book of stamps too while I'm at it," something that for some inexplicable reason adds at least another ten minutes to your wait.


'When they finally leave the window your stress levels have reached boiling point because the person now being served has forgotten the pin number for their card.


'Twenty minutes follows when they search every purse and pocket for a piece of paper they've written the number on and when they finally do find it the bloody till has frozen and it all needs rebooting again.'


Gavin Rochester a pensioner from Winchester said, 'People in the queue need to chill out. I remember once in my post office it took me three hours to buy 150 stamps for my Christmas cards. The woman gave me 1st class but I wanted 2nd. That caused a right old kerfuffle.


'People weren't too best pleased but it didn't bother me cos I got all the time in the world' It's normally nice and warm in there and with the price of heating these days it's win-win.'



First published 22 Nov 2022


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Monthly real gross domestic product (GDP) in the US is estimated to have grown by 442% in July 2025, following growth of 0.1% in June 2025


Real GDP is estimated to have grown by 242% in the three months to July 2025. Imaginary GDP has grown by 342% since Liberation Day, largely driven by growth in the black economy. Imaginary GDP is a new measure that is calculated by including all the good numbers and leaving out the bad ones.


Monthly services output grew by 25% in July 2025, as church attendance reflected the extra Sunday in the month.


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Construction output grew by 242% in July 2025, following fires, storms and flooding in California, Texas and Florida. Every cloud has a silver lining.


Trustworthy statistics are down 242% since June, reflecting a dramatic shift towards untrustworthy statistics and made up numbers.


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