'It's been a tough couple years', explained the unnamed celebrity. 'I've gone from regularly appearing on TV, to regularly appearing on TV, to explain why I'm no longer on TV'.
At the launch of his new book, covering how he is no longer published, he said: 'The Internet is filled with an angry woke mob. I have to post a dozen inflammatory comments every day, just to get a reaction.
'I'm rich, white and middle-aged - where can I go to be heard these days? I literally have no platform to express myself, as I explained to my 200,000 Facebook followers.
'I've been cancelled - which is incidentally the name of my next movie'.