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Clean air is Woke agree Sunak & Starmer



Occupying the same 3 millimetres of political ground, both leaders threw their support behind choking to death. Starmer is rumoured to have said: 'There's nothing wrong with turning blue, god knows I have.'


Fears of a backlash against any attempt to limit London's pollution, mean that both major parties now back the return of gas masks and black bogies. They believe voters would rather hold their breath than inhale lefty oxygen. And that dry rasping coughs are part of the Dunkirk spirit.


A government spokesperson remarked: 'Fresh air is for communists and deviants. A true Brit wants stale farts in a lift. They want a burning esophagus, streaming eyes and the taste of freedom - which is similar to the taste of 5-star leaded petrol. If God had wanted us to smell fresh air, he'd have given us all our own private helicopters.'

Sunak suspect in death of satire case


Prime-minister, Rishi Sunak, is believed to be the prime-suspect in the brutal killing of satire.


'I'll miss satire", said a tear faced geek who spends far too long indoors. 'Obviously, I knew things were a bit dicey when Trump became president. But I never thought Rishi Sunak, of all people, would stoop this low - but obviously, he hasn't got so far to go.'


At the last statement, one of the 40 new hospitals released a statement that the body of satire had twitched.



Dominic Raab secures lead role in new sitcom - Fawlty Powers



Dominic Raab is set to take on the leading role in a new sitcom it has been announced.


‘Fawlty Powers’ will take a quirky, light-hearted look at the trials and tribulations of an allegedly aggressive, bullying, senior politician as he haplessly tries to lead a number of government departments, causing distress and long-term mental-health problems amongst the staff that he manages.


‘This role is made for Raaby to come and do that whole micro-aggressive, offensive, bullying shtick that we know and love’, said one government insider. ‘At least I think ‘offensive, bullying shtick’ was what a civil servant said about him in the corridor this morning.’


‘In the trailer for the first episode Dom comes in to a meeting and hilariously belittles a group of civil-servants, swearing profusely, and is generally a total twat, causing a number of staff to sign themselves off on long-term sickness, or ask to be moved to other departments. It’s comedy gold’.


Rishi Sunak is set to appear in the sitcom as a bumbling waiter, who is always trying to support the hopeless Raab by constantly claiming ‘I know nothing’.


No-one has been cast yet as the racist, old-school Major yet, although the new Deputy Chair of the Tory Party Lee Anderson along with a number of other Conservative MPs are thought to be interested.



image from pixabay


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