- Not Titus
- May 12, 2024
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As riderless horses roamed the streets of central London, the Government accused the 'woke elite' of getting a little heavy-handed with their metaphors.
Tory intern Henry Hootington-Hurst said 'Is it the end of days or just a guerrilla marketing campaign for Lloyds Bank?'
'I looked, and behold, a pale horse. And the rider's name was Nigel Farage. What else? Boris Johnson is humping things and chanting in Latin - nothing new there. Michael Gove has assumed his reptilian form and is hissing at everyone he's double crossed - so that's everyone. Nadine Dorries is doing readings from her latest book - whilst speaking in tongues. All fairly standard stuff.'
'War, Famine, Pestilence and Death... they are simply four key Tory promises.'
image from pixabay
There was embarrassment at Lib Dem headquarters today as it was revealed no one had bothered to write a manifesto for their candidate for London Mayor.
“Look, there’s only so many hours in the day,” said harassed party worker Jeremy Sandals. “There’s only enough money for a couple of full-time staff, the rest is done by volunteers, when they can fit it around their work for the Crafts Council and the Vegan Society.
”So naturally we tend to focus on things that seem worth doing. Council elections, for example, since we do win the occasional seat, and general elections of course.
”But London Mayor? The most we can do is split the liberal vote and let the Tories in, so we don’t really bother.
”All the same, we ought to go through the motions, so it’s a bit embarrassing we didn’t even write a manifesto this time. I’ll be looking into what went wrong, as soon as I get a spare moment.”
Pressed for more information, Sandals admitted he didn’t even know whose name they’d submitted as a candidate. “Bloody hell, it’s not me is it?”
image from pixabay
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