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Tories back ban for those born after 2009 ever owning a house



The Conservatives have backed plans to ban anyone born after 2009 buying their own home, effectively ensuring it will become law.


The measures, championed by successive Tory governments, survived despite opposition from several leading charities. Health Secretary Victoria Atkins told MPs "there is a ready supply of underpasses and cardboard boxes" as she defended the plans.


Ms Atkins said the plan would create a "hope free generation". However, several Tory MPs, including ex-PM Liz Truss, argued the measures didn't go far enough as people would still be eligible for free medical care.


Conservative MPs were given a free vote on the bill, meaning they were not ordered to vote with the government, however they just did it 'for the craic'. But full support by Labour's front bench, with the hope it would get them voted in, ensured the measures passed.


Prime Minister Rishi Sunak used his conference speech in October of last year to unveil his plans to ban people born after 1 January 2009 from ever having any sense of self-worth.





Angela Rayner is Keyser Soze confirm Conservatives



Capo dei capi Angela Rayner now stands accused of the Brinks Mat robbery, the disappearance of Shergar and being both Jack the Ripper and Harold Shipman. Several Tory MPs have been seen running away in tears after Rayner beat them up, gave them a wedgie and flushed their heads down the toilet.


'Is RAYNER coming to MURDER you. And worse, lower your house price?' screamed the Mail, clutching its pearls and the caps lock key.


Having been told to jump, British Broadcasting Conservative Laura Kuenssberg happily did so, to various heights and indeed lengths to keep the story in the news.


One Tory Lord said 'Rayner made me open a series of fraudulent shell companies in the Cayman Islands for siphoning public money. It's her fault there's no money for public services!'




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