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Trump and Vance still can't agree who was ruder



Donald Trump and JD Vance are at odds over their meeting in the Oval Office with President Zelensky.


The two men had a bet on who could be the rudest to President Zelensky, and the bet remains unsettled. Trump claims that he was consistently rude, and says that he demonstrated all the basic forms of rudeness to an excellent standard.   He claims that his work on The Apprentice, USA has given him more practice at being rude.  JD Vance claims that he was demeaning, impertinent and crass, and made the most belittling comments.   He says that he adopted the best elements of Trump’s rudeness, but also took it up a level.


Neither of the two men is willing to concede to the other, despite the President threatening to sentence his V-P to further visits to Europe. They are now looking for someone to adjudicate the disputed bet, as there are one hundred dollars at stake, but they are now arguing about who to approach.  Trump wants to appoint Fox News, and Vance is keen to involve Steve Bannon.


The adjudicator will not have to deal with the side bet, for two hundred dollars, as neither Trump nor Vance succeeded in comparing Zelensky to Hitler on camera.


image from pixabay


Keir Starmer last seen in Trump's anus



What was meant to be a Presidential visit, has turned into a rectal holiday to remember. No soon had the UK's servile Prime Minister landed, then he covered himself in a vat of industrial jelly and sprinted to The White House for warm interior of Trump's sphincter.


The 'special relationship' is now closer than ever and comes with a free prostate examination.


Surviving on a diet of Big Mac remains, Starmer plans to remain in this lower cavity until his popularity improves - which could be never.


Sir Keith (sp) is not the first PM to disappear up a President's butt, but he is the first one to enjoy it. Asked why the PM had seen so keen, an aide remarked: 'He heard that Peter Mandelson was enjoying his time in Washington, so he just wanted to hook up with all the other little shits.'


image from pixabay


Staunch Republicans turn on JD Vance


In a surprising development, staunch Republican voters have turned against the vice president, JD Vance.


‘We thought he was a solid good ole boy,’ said one ageing Republican voter, who was sporting a MAGA cap and gold trainers. ‘He loves guns, hates immigrants, loves the church and hates unplanned pregnancies.  An all American guy.   But we can't believe he left the U S of A to go abroad, where all the foreigners are, and we can't forgive him for that.  That's a rookie error – a mistake like Dan Quayle would've made.


‘There ain't no reason to go to foreign places, even if you're just going to be rude to dirty foreign politicians.  Hell, we invented Zoom so we could flip off Johnny Foreigner without leaving home.


'We’ll allow the trip to Greenland, as it’s practically the 51st state already.  And we’d allow a trip to Gaza, as it’s right in line to be the 52nd state.   But that’s the limit.


 'If JD thinks he can make America great again by leaving it, then he can stay abroad until he’s come to his senses.’


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