In a bid to keep the controversial president safe from the baying crowds, the Royal Household opted for a scaled back State Visit.
“We decided to keep the President within the confines of the Windsor estate to protect him from the rabble,” our royal correspondent tells Newsbiscuit. “The president was still honoured with a golden carriage ride and a royal procession that lasted approximately 30 seconds. He was then taken on an illustrious tour of the back of the bins.”
As the safest location, with walls tall enough to obscure the throng of waving pitchforks just outside, president Trump was able to ponder the vast breadth of British history as he was guided around the waste collection point.
“It’s beautiful. So marvellous. A very very nice bin,” the President gushed, as the royal staff took smoke breaks and scratched their balls. “Not as big as my bin of course. My bin is the biggest. The most shiny.”
Concerned at the implications of a large state banquet, a takeaway was instead ordered for the head of state.
- Wrenfoe
- Sep 18
From Our Royal Correspondent:
The President caused some embarrassment at the State Banquet by consuming most of the cutlery on display. Rather than point out his mistake, grovelling UK diplomats applauded and fed him napkins.
Mr. Trump further upset protocol by squatting over the soup tureen and taking a dump - which the King heralded as a remarkable defence of free speech. No one batted an eyelid when the President gently mounted Queen Camilla during dessert. Instead Keir Starmer said we were very lucky to have this special relationship. And that he himself would be taking a turn, once the Queen fancied a break.
Rumours circulated that due to a scheduling error, Trump was in fact supposed to attend a chimp's tea party.
In other news, the chimp secured a $1bn trade deal with the US.