The nation’s TV critics have pronounced themselves shocked to their very foundations that Buying London, a show about sloaney dimwits selling expensive homes, isn’t a work of towering genius.
'Well really,' huffed the Independent’s critic. 'I came to it expecting the pathos of Chekhov, the insight of late Kieslowski and the magisterial sweep of Gabriel Garçia Marquez. Instead I find it’s some glossy airheads saying ‘Wow’ as they look around big houses. I’m so disappointed.'
'Exactly right,' agreed her colleague at the Guardian. 'I watched the whole show in a constant state of rage that rich people even exist. Actually, I couldn’t care less, but it’s a good way of auditioning for a job writing editorial content - Polly’s got to retire at some point.'
Critics were particularly savage about the constant backstabbing between two of the show’s stars, Mitzi and Ditzi, which they said was 'obviously scripted'.
'I mean, come on - two vain, ambitious glamazons being catty about each other? They must think we’ll believe anything.'
Picture credit: stablediffusionweb.com
The latest made up UK government figures to distract from the absolute carnage they are causing, demonstrate beyond doubt that parents are to blame for everything.
A crucially important announcement from Downing Street stated, 'All children, and grandparents who are not themselves parents should immediately forget everything Rishi Sunak, Liz Truss and Boris Johnson screwed up, and point the finger at mothers and fathers for the state of the nation.
'Since the 1970s and 80s, parents have not admonished their children for sitting so close to the telly. The words "you'll get radiation and go blind" should be heard by every child at least three times a day, even if there is no television in the household.
'This has led to the entire nation now sitting so close to laptop, tablet and mobile phone screens that they can actually tell what is going on. And we simply can't allow that happen.
'We are not a nanny state, but parents should take a serious look at themselves and go straight to bed without a wagon wheel and a glass of milk.'
Image: mojzagrebinfo - Pixabay