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After a hard day at work recycling his emails. Brad, 37, from Berkshire, hits the sofa just before 6pm and tastelessly watches the World Cup game on his TV, while also following Wimbledon on his phone. Brad defended his behaviour to the press.


‘While some have unfairly described this behaviour as erratic, I want to ensure everyone that I have trained long and hard for this. I have watched many TV series while also simultaneously scrolling through social media, and I never miss a single plot point. I am not recommending this lifestyle to anyone, but for me there is a real thrill in watching an incredible tennis rally while England are passing the ball back and forth between their defenders.’


His wife, Lisa, later clarified her stance on his reckless behaviour. ‘He’s absolutely addicted. He reads our four-year-old child a bedtime story while skimming another book. We do have sex, but only if he can listen to a true-crime podcast at the same time.’


Brad says that he now intends on becoming the first person to ever play football while watching the Premier League on his phone.



Image credit: ChatGPT


An avid Royal watcher from Swindon has thanked her 'kindly' neighbours  for allowing her to watch the trooping the colour on their 50 inch TV. Rose Johnson, 57 has been unable to afford a TV of her own since her 12 year old knock off set broke down, despite working two jobs and selling everything else she could get any money for. The family at number 28, who don't want to be named because the whole thing made them feel sick, said  'It's the least we could do really. We would have given her something to eat too, but the food bank has that covered, and we don't want this to become a regular thing.'


When asked why she was so desperate to see the event, Rose said 'Well. I haven't got much and I really find the royals inspirational. I have been a loyal follower for as long as I can remember. It just shows that if you work hard, there is always a chance that one day it could be you. I know it's too late for me now, but we must support this glorious institution, and vote Reform to get rid of the riffraff. I once tried to get a colleague the sack for telling a ghastly joke about Princess Diana.'




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