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Council tells Aldi to take down all the flags

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West Wassick District Council has written to its local Aldi store asking them to take down all the flags decorating the store.


A spokesman told us: ‘Many members of the community are distressed by the flags. They are well aware that Aldi was started by two German brothers and that it remains in German ownership. The extravagant displays of Union Flags in store are therefore inappropriate, unsettling and borderline sarcastic.


‘While Aldi may claim that it is ‘Backing British Farmers’ they may have omitted the words ‘Into A Corner’. We fear that their flag waving is more about extracting cash from customers than it is about patriotism.


'The Council has taken steps to paint over flags on mini-roundabouts and to take down flags on lamp posts. We are nothing if not fair, so we are telling Aldi that they need to take their flags down too – to waive the flags, if you like. 


'Don’t say we haven’t got a sense of humour.'



Picture credit: Wix AI

Plan to cover UK in flags started by flag-maker

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Head down a road in England today and you might think there was an impending fete or royal visit from the sheer number of Union Flags adorning the lamp-posts and foot-bridges. However this is all part of Operation Raise The Colours; a plan started on social media to cover the country in order to show patriotism and, according to local coordinators who have been swept up in the craze, in no way an act of jingoism.


There has been much speculation about who started this; from patriots attempting to emulate the United States, to far-right protesters attempting to stake claim to their country. However, through deep investigation that went to the second page of a Google Search, it can be revealed that the mastermind behind this is the owner of a flag making factory in China.


"To put it simply, I had a surplus after the Woman's European Championships," said Fly Canton, owner of International Weaving in Shanghai. "We thought there would be a craze, like there is when the men play, of flags at windows, on cars, worn like a Temu-Superman's cape. However, nothing of the sort took place and I ended up with a warehouse of red and white crosses. I thought of selling them to Georgia, but got browsing Tik Tok one night and saw the protests and fervent anger some people seemed to have against those fleeing war and atrocities and wanting to settle in a country they saw as welcoming and safe."


Canton was grateful to the UK authorities for continuing to help his sales, telling us, "It's great how they keep taking them down because people put them in dangerous places or don't bother to seek any permission. Every one pulled down is another one bought from me to replace it. Long may this craze continue! Or at least until the next World Cup, so I can justify the extension to my production line."


Back in the UK, supports of Raise The Colours were appalled at the revelation. "It's disgusting that this company has used social media to manipulate working-class people into what they think is the right thing but is really just lining their pockets, that's my job!" said Leader of Reform UK Nigel Farage.




Government to replace red tape with red, white and blue tape



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Six years after the United Kingdom voted for Brexit, the government has admitted that Brexit hadn't delivered anything. 'We've realised that a policy of replacing EU red tape with UK red tape wasn't working, especially as the red tape could only be sourced from Belgium.' A company based in Birmingham has been awarded the contract to provide red, white and blue striped tape for use by the government. 'We get it from a reliable source in Europe,' confided a representative of the Birmingham company today.



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