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On Tuesday, the US. Government is expected to rollout a new version of the ESTA Waiver process. Applicants will now be required to not only fill out an extensive history of their history including their mother's maiden name, but also favourite pets, account numbers, sort codes and the last three digits on the back of every bank card for every account they've ever had.


In addition to these, there will be the infinitely more reasonable need for their dogs names, their dogs parents names, a complete genealogical history dating back to c. 1400 (extended back further to any nefarious involvement in the Peasants' Revolt where appropriate) their phone number, their mums' friend Barbra's phone number and a thesis on the origin of the universe (SHOW YOUR WORKING).


Trump claims that this is to "Fight Illegal Aliens" entering the country. Critics have said that he is yet to provide any examples of why this would in any way help. He has gone on to claim that this is a new tariff, this time on the movement of tourists into the U.S.A. "We all thought this was a Very Good idea, Very Good idea. Entering this country should be a privilege that only the best should have access to." When asked whether he'll have access to this information, he claimed our reporters were "Losers" from the "Lame Stream Media" and went on a rant on Truth Social.


Travel industry analysts warn that the new form may deter some visitors, particularly those who prefer not to hand over the details needed to empty their bank accounts.


The US Department of Homeland Security has declined to comment, though insiders suggest the next update to the ESTA may include a request for travellers’ PIN numbers and the answers to all future security questions they don’t know they’ll be asked yet.


Author: youngbsl





Comedy Writer A: That idea you had yesterday, the one about that Top Secret Meeting, how’s it going?


Comedy Writer B: Well, it needs fleshing out, but so far, I just had, like, a Trump lackey setting up a Top-Secret video meeting and some random dude is just in there. Could be about invading Switzerland for their gold.


A: Ha yeah, totally wrong number, nice. A random person can’t just get on a secure call though… and they’d just be seen straight away, what about an e-mail chain?


B: Good point, a wrong email address is possible, maybe JPVance@hotcouch.com or PeteBegseth@foxnews.com The format might not be easy to make it funny enough, could a text chat work? You know, little messages popping up….


A: Difficult to add a rando in, might have to gloss over that. Also, if it’s a secret chat, there must be all sorts of rules for that. You might get to sell it by saying it’s low-level Trump mooks doing it, not knowing how things work.


B: Unqualified losers or hired family members maybe, what about Eric and Don Junior, thinking they are all involved like?


A: Everyone knows they are just an utter joke anyway, bit too easy. What about Tulsi Gabbard not trusting CIA secure communications and using WhatsApp?


B: Snorts just imagine…..you could have Hegseth in there treating it as a Fox News work chat, bragging about a new secret jet or how he is going to invade Mexico and build a military base in Cancun for Spring break


A: JD Vance would be desperate enough to want to be involved in anything, like proper desperate….he’d be texting “I’m important too, I’m so involved”


B: I mean, this starts to become really high level national security, hasn’t it? If we go too daft it loses it a bit….should we tone it down? I mean, is this on their own phones?


A: Hmmmm, can’t make that work. Needs thinking about. What about the rando, what if they are something proper stupid…..Russian spy? Too obvious?


A: Influencer? Live streaming?


B: Excellent. What about a reporter of ….The Washington Post? Thinking Woodward or Bernstein …unexpected DeepThroat?


A: Come on…that would be insane


B: The story next day would be…. mass resignations, everyone involved… just gone


A: Yeah, wishful thinking.


B: Anyway, no rush on this, I’ll put something together after St. Patricks Day



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