US Department of Justice reveals more Tracy Island files

More files have been dropped regarding Tracy Island. For many years the Tracy family had used the cover of International Rescue to engage in trafficking of underage people to Tracy Island.

The British socialite Lady Penelope, now serving a prison sentence in a US federal jail, ‘recruited’ individuals, promising an exciting time meeting glamorous people on the island. These included the Tracy men, who engaged in exciting rescue operations across the globe.

People were trafficked on Thunderbird 2, which could carry a large ‘party’ of people at a time. Virgil Tracy denies any wrongdoing.

The logistics were handled by ‘Brains’, who hid his rapacious sexual appetites under the demeanour of a bashful, stuttering egghead.

The head of the Family, Jeff Tracy, is said to have killed himself whilst under investigation, but the circumstances of his death are still unclear.

We await further revelations, hopefully revealing the names of the rich and powerful of the world of politics and showbiz, without redactions.

image from google gemini

Trump reboots Pirates of the Caribbean

In a sequel no one asked for, Trump seized a Venezuelan tanker laden with doubloons. Like Captain Jack Sparrow, but less coherent, the President promised booty for his allies and booty-calls for his interns.

To be a true pirate, Mr.Trump should technically take his prize to a secret island filled with illegal activity. But, sadly, his friend Jeffrey is dead. Instead, he'll have to smuggle the stolen oil to the US - just like all his predecessors.

One Venezuelan ranted: 'You're the worst President I've ever heard of. An immoral, corrupt, pervert!'

'Yes,' countered Trump, 'but you have heard of me.'

Image credit: perchance.org

Country admits their special relationship is very unbalanced

The Island Nation, who wished to remain anonymous, talked candidly about their unbalanced relationship with a high profile country.

'You have to be really careful, they do demand compliments all the time, and you can’t say anything that would upset them. They need to be in charge constantly and consider themselves to be super powerful. They encouraged me to break contact with my local group, I do think there is an element of coercive control, but I still think they can change. They have massive mood swings, like every four years, it’s like they are completely different.

'I don’t like who they mix with, their friends are a bit scary and do awful stuff, but I can’t say anything, can I? They had an incident a few years back, I can't remember the exact date. Don’t tell them I said that, they go crazy if you forget it. You must never forget it. Anyway, they asked everyone for help and we jumped up and said no problem. Bunch of us did, I am sure they would do the same for any of us. Hopefully.

'They do treat me nice sometimes, like this year, they were being really mean to everyone and because I complimented how clever they are at business they were less mean to me. That really shows how special this relationship is. I always try to scrub up nice and make a big deal for visits, that definitely makes them happy. For a bit.

'Part of me inside knows that this is just wrong and wants out, but I can’t leave now, I have invested so much in this relationship that is not weird in any way. They have promised me a really nice mutual agreement, so I really need to stay for that. It’ll be so special.'

If you or any other countries were affected by this article, you can contact the United Nations Help Desk and listen to some soothing music.

Image credit: stablediffusion.com