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New Thames Water mascot leaves a bad smell in the boardroom

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News emerged today that beleaguered Thames Water recently briefed a leading ad agency to come up with a customer friendly mascot, in an attempt  to try and win favour with its less-than-happy captive subscriber base. 


But sadly, Tommy The Turd, a cuddly, brown, sausage-shaped character with the catchphrase: "I'd give that ten minutes if I were you," failed to win favour when the agency presented its proposed campaign to bosses.


Company bigwigs were said to be furious with one exec, who asked not to be named, commenting brusquely. 'Look, I know this company is the very embodiment of tin-eared arrogance towards its customers, but even we could never have hoped to get away with such a thing.


'The money we've wasted on this, over five hundred grand by the way, might as well have been flushed round the S-bend. I mean, it could've been divided it up between the board members as a little bit of extra bounce. Tommy The Turd has to be a shittiest idea I have ever seen. I knew we should've just hired that stupid, effing, pink, spotty wanker, Blobby.' 


image from pixabay


Coca-Cola to launch Coke Water

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Following the success of Diet Coke and Coke Zero, the company is set to launch it's most "radical" product yet: Coke Water.


"Zero has no sugar or caffeine, it's basically carbonated water with flavouring" explained Juliette Brzcynski, VP Futility (Western Hemisphere). "So we thought we could go further and remove the flavouring and carbonation for a truly innovative take on the world's favourite drink. By which I mean coke."


Coke Water retails at £2.59/litre, slightly more than original coke "as it's a premium product". It features the "iconic" logo, but this time in white on blue, and some bottles will sport the first names of characters from Charles Kingsley's classic novel The Water Babies.


And while spokespeople were quick to deny rumours that the company was planning to sell the contents of its factory urinals as Coke Piss, this is not the end of Coke innovation. "I'm not supposed to tell you this" said Ms Brzcynski, lying, "but soon we'll be unveiling an even more premium offer that will truly disrupt the market. Coke Empty."




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