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Friends of a local woman express concerns over her investment in the neighbour’s cat, who they suspect to be a narcissistic abuser.
‘The warning signs are all there,’ her best friend and psychology major, Sharon, tells us. ‘First comes idealisation, otherwise known as love bombing: Tibbles showers her with affection, purring and rubbing himself on her legs. He makes her feel like the most important girl in the world. Then comes the devaluation stage: Tibbles starts to pull away. She leaves cans of tuna and saucers of milk at the back door but he doesn’t show. Then he discards her. She waits for him at the back door, she makes a fool of herself by kneeling in the dirt and going “pspspspspsps” when he walks by, but he doesn’t acknowledge her. She’s of no use to him now. Then, the moment she begins to heal, he begins the hoover stage, where he sucks her back in and the cycle begins anew.’
‘He’s a furry psychopath,’ her sister Grace says. ‘There’s no warmth in those eyes. It’s been so painful watching my sister give everything only to get nothing back. She’s a strong, capable woman who’s been reduced to a nervous wreck, waiting by the window, buying jumbo packs of cat treats only for them to sit in the cupboard, untouched. She’s walking on eggshells; she daren’t move too quickly when she sees him at the back door for fear of him scarpering. He’s so mercurial. Sometimes he’ll beg her to scratch behind his ears, other times he’ll run away when she touches him like she just kicked him in the face.’
A circle of her closest friends are in the process of organizing an intervention for their feline-frenzied friend and warn others to pay attention to the warning signs.
Cara - May 20, 2023
Forget horse-drawn carriages, the real Prince Charming drives a 2007 Dodge Neon.
Local plumber Bob Bennett was overjoyed when his belligerent years of drive-by flirting finally paid off. The 37-year-old playboy has suffered his fair amount of rejection and hostility from the opposite sex, but his persistence has finally prospered by capturing the hearts of not one, not two, but three young girls.
It was a usual lunchtime for our lucky ladies, who were taking a break from their A level studies. Upon noticing the alluring adolescents, Bob decided to take a chance, manually roll down his window, and turn on the charm.
‘I’ll never forget the first thing he said to me,’ 17-year-old Molly tells us, her cheeks bright with elation. ‘He just screamed, “LEGS, LEGS!” and honked the horn on his duct-taped steering wheel. Wow, I thought; not only is he eloquent but he clearly knows his anatomy too.’
The second of the wooed waifs, 16-year-old Olivia, recalls his unique style: ‘I really liked how yellow the underarms of his vest were,’ she trilled, fiddling with a strand of her hair. ‘and the smell of stale farts that wafted out of the window when he cranked it open.’
‘I liked how his latest sexual conquest was the crumpled photograph of Katie Price that was taped to his dashboard,’ the third excitedly interjects. ‘He clearly knows a lot about women if he jeers at them from afar. Consider this heart won.’
Having never spoken to a woman face-to-face, Bob continues to bellow lewd epithets at his three admirers as they smile adoringly from the dubiously stained backseat. 'I didn't really think this far ahead,' he tells us.
image from pixabay
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