Much harder to have affairs from home, complain lecherous CEOs

Get back to the office, so we can start making sexualised remarks and inappropriately touching junior female members of staff. That's the message from Conservative ministers and industry leaders.

'How am I supposed to feel like a real man unless I clumsily attempt to grope Jodie from Accounts.' sleazed CEO Ian Ingram. 'I'm playing golf with the boys later and I need something to boast about. Last week one of them bought new tits for his wife and his secretary.'

'If that pervert comes near me I'll put his head through a f*cking wall.' said Jodie Johnstone from Accounts. 'Joke's on him though because I've been embezzling for years.'

'Hunt and Rees-Mogg want people back in offices? Sometimes I forget that Jeremy Hunt is rhyming slang, but then he says something out loud and I remember.'

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WFH stands for 'What. F*cking Hell!'

Remote workers vote to strike from home

Following the breakdown of a series of Zoom meetings to discuss pay and conditions, telecommuting staff have voted to take industrial action and are preparing to go on remote strike. The action could see workers failing to attend virtual communication seminars, remote documentation reviews and on-line management briefings, all without the need to blame their internet connection or IT set-up.

The Union Convenor explained that the pay offer had been rejected by the membership via a postal ballot, although most of the votes had been cast remotely by proxy to save workers from having to leave their home office environment.

Meanwhile, the Company said that it was suspending the benefit of being able to work from home during the period of industrial action. A spokesman explained, ‘We expect striking workers to turn up and strike from their workplace.’

However, one worker is preparing for a long slog away from the laptop in his spare bedroom. He has already ordered a brazier from Amazon to stand beside when on virtual picket line duty in his garden.

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