Piers (17) is taking History, English and Economics A levels. He doesn’t have a girlfriend. ‘I’m really excited by the new Rishi Collection’, he told us. ‘Slightly too-short suit trousers are in this season. My mum said so’.
Harry (18) is another fan. ‘When I leave university I want to work in the city and hopefully lose my virginity. Looking like I was dressed by my mum should help with both of those ambitions’.
It isn’t just the clothes which Rishi is admired for. His social media presence also garners respect.
‘He must be really busy’, said Clive, 16, ‘yet he can find time to tweet about the most trivial stuff. Did you know you can get over-the-counter medications from your pharmacist? It’s amazing that Rishi finds time to tweet minor stuff like this when he’s the actual Prime Minister. I think it’s the trousers. They help him to focus’.
Political commentators have suggested that repetitive tweeting about banal topics might possibly indicate the PM is clueless, rudderless, lacking direction, out of touch with reality and destined to break records when the election finally arrives – but what do they know? The man’s a fashion guru and an inspiration to millions. If the Cabinet was a boy band, Rishi would be the lead singer, flaunting his slender ankles like some latter-day Elvis or Mick Jagger. We had planned to end this piece with a quote from a young woman who has his picture on her wall and consults it for masturbatory inspiration but we couldn’t find one. Not one. They don’t exist. Rather like the Government’s policies.