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After recent losses, Tories consider not using awful people

In a bold move, the conservative party have decided against using terrible individuals as MPs. This shocking manoeuvre was deemed necessary when a pattern was spotted by in house election specialists.

They decided that employing bullies, both emotional and physical, worryingly didn’t please the general public. Even firing them, then immediately rehiring them didn't provide positive feedback.

Even though a core element of supporters seemed to enjoy the incompetent racist vibe, it was difficult to attract new voters. A tactic of lining you and your mates own pockets with fast tracked money schemes was deemed sub-optimal in focus groups.

Using terrible people to choose who to employ next, ended up with more terrible people. A statement by a source close to the Conservative party said: ”Weird.”

They even tried a daring tactic of using desperate media whores who didn't care about their constituency. Surprising no one, apart from the entire party, this did not work well at all.

Conservative Alexander de Pfeffel Johnson was alleged to have been heard by someone close as saying “Only way to win is to bring back Boris!” The surrounding conservatives cheered.

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Oct 22, 2023

That means no candidates. Fairy Nuff.

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