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Amber alert issued as Johnson rut approaches



Experienced Boris-watchers have expressed concerns that this years rut may be 'devastating'. The ex-PM, ex-MP finds himself untrammelled by the burdens of office, and will need an outlet for his considerable energies as summer approaches.


'Relieved of maintaining the web of lies to his Party, Westminster, and the public in general it is likely he will revert to a more basic demonstration of his prowess' confided Jim Backshaw, Emeritus Professor of Pfeffelology at the University of Staines, 'No female with a pulse within a five mile radius will be safe from his attentions'


The professor also concluded that these urges will be further fuelled by his need to regain status.


'The Big Beast has been ousted as alpha-male, and will seek means to redress this - we can expect some sort of display of fecundity, such as frantic hooted challenges and ritual masturbation, as he attempts to re-establish his dominance of Downing Street'.


Whilst privately admitting that such a display would be 'awesome and magnificent', the professor did admit that this behaviour could escalate and become a danger to the public.


'If this does become the case, regretfully we may need to sedate and neuter him as a safety measure. A former colleague has already stepped forward and asked if she can handle the scalpel'


Image: Newsbiscuit


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