Badenoch Appoints ChatGPT to Shadow Cabinet

In a shake-up to the opposition front bench, Conservative leader Kemi Badenoch has made the decision to appoint an AI system to the position of Shadow Chancellor of the Duchy of Lancaster.

Lord GPT, as it will have to be known to avoid running afoul of Parliamentary procedure, will respond to Government decisions more efficiently and quickly than its predecessor. Within seconds, it will analyse any released reports, archives of Hansard, and statements to the media, then provide a press release saying the decision by Keir Starmer's team is wrong and that the Conservative Party wholly condemn it.

'Once again, it's the Conservative Party that is at the forefront of innovation,' said Shadow Science and Technology Secretary Alan Mak. 'This Labour Government is happy to send us back to the 1970's and its union-controlled politics, while we are looking to the future and unleashing the power of AI to reduce mistakes and increase efficiency. Currently our only challenge is how to make a cloud-based entity align with our desire to get civil servants back into the office, as giving a desk to a non-corporeal essence may seem odd. However, as an interim measure, we have placed a mannequin in an office chair, allowing meetings and discussions to take place, even if they're with a lifeless facsimile of a person and meaning it feels like you're talking to a potato. It's remarkably similar to when Mark Francois was in the Shadow Cabinet.'

Reform Party leader Nigel Farage was devoutly against the appointment when asked yesterday by the BBC at their daily breakfast meeting, remarking, 'It's yet another key job going to a non-British person or manifestation. I'm also personally infuriated, as I've been using ChatGPT for all our policy decisions in the last six months and it means they're now shared with the Tories thanks to the terms and conditions of use. Plus, given its connections to Russia and China, it'll be giving them access to all our secret briefings, and that's my job!'

Picture credit: Wix AI