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Conservatives appoint former neo-Nazi as anti-extremism adviser due to ‘industry experience’

The Conservative Party has defended appointing a former neo-Nazi as an anti-extremism adviser, saying it was delighted to have finally recruited someone with relevant experience. “We advertised for somebody with an extensive background in extremism and his CV really stood out,” said a Conservative spokesman. “He has experience of radicalisation from the ground up and understands the sector in a way that somebody who hasn’t actually been imprisoned for antisemitic harassment simply couldn’t.”


Kemi Badenoch defended the appointment, arguing that the Conservatives believe in rehabilitation and second chances.


Party officials are now understood to be reviewing other appointments, including recruiting an arsonist as fire-safety adviser, a burglar to chair the Home Security Commission and several former Conservative ministers to investigate political incompetence.


A spokesman stressed that the anti-extremism position is unpaid.


“We’re not completely mad.”




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KitKats to be 0.0001p cheaper under Andy Burnham


Andy Burnham has already transformed people's finances by announcing £2 bus fares and tiny VAT reductions for pubs.


Now he's going to make life infinitesimally more affordable for fatties by subsidising KitKats, Twix bars and Curly Wurlies by up to 0.0003%.


'These are small beginnings', a spokesman said, 'but for the hardest-up in society these savings will add up to a meaningful amount, just as long as they're willing to buy in bulk. The saving on a thousand Curly Wurlies would cover your bus fare home. It won't. But it's nice to think that it might'.


'Critics are just a bunch of moaners, though they probably have a point. What did Oscar Wilde call them? Twats, I think it was.'


Conservative Head Girl Kemi Badenoch described the measures as 'too little, too late' and promised to build a time machine to stop the rebranding of Marathon bars. She would also consider offing the young Adolf Hitler but said that 'wasn't a priority' as his values were rapidly coming back into fashion.




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Mandelson "just a political stunt", insists Prime Minister


Sir Keir Starmer has been resisting pressure for a parliamentary inquiry into his handling of the Mandelson affair by dismissing the former ambassador as "just a poltical stunt".


"This is games playing by the Conservatives," the PM's office told the media. "The Prime Minister has no intention of appearing before a Commons committee on account of a Machiavellian stunt like Peter."


Several cabinet minister still loyal to Starmer appeared on morning news programmes also to declare that the long-standing Labour grandee was, and always had been, a political stunt.


"This doesn't add up," said Conservative leader Kemi Badenoch.


"If the PM was aware that Mandelson was a complete stunt, then why did he appoint him US ambassador in the first place?"




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