Roads out of cities across the Western world are now packed with people desperate to escape the noxious effects of Trump's incessant self-congratulation.
"They're seeking anywhere, way up in the hills or out at sea, with no WiFi connection and no TV or radio signals," said an AA spokes-spare tyre, "so they don't have to listen to Trump's nauseating boasts about 'winning on levels never seen before'."
"We stuck with the news for as long as we could," said one evacuee on the A303, who was making his way to the western-most point of the Scilly Isles with his young family and all their possessions strapped to the roof of his car.
"But then our ears started to bleed and we all felt our heads would explode.
"It's then we knew that we were suffering from radioactive Trump poisoning, brought on by listening to him bigging his stupid self up on the radio."
Media organisations have been told by the Health and Safety Executive to limit their journalists' exposure to five minutes at a stretch when editing material containing Trump's sickenly self-satisfied remarks.
"Otherwise, they may suffer concussion and blood loss from banging their heads against the wall and stabbing themselves with scissors out of uncontrollable exasperation with Trump's self-glorifying tattle," said an HSE spokes-clipboard.
The Flee Your Home Office has issued a press release advising evacuees that there are still spaces available on Rockall on which to perch until Trump finally shuts up, or sea areas off Scapa Flow in which to scuttle themselves.
"But on no account," warns the press release, "should anyone try to save Nigel Farage or Kemi Badenoch.
"Trump sickness has reached too far inside their tiny minds for them to be helped."
Donald Trump is 79 years old in deluded narcissist years.
