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Mandelson "just a political stunt", insists Prime Minister


Sir Keir Starmer has been resisting pressure for a parliamentary inquiry into his handling of the Mandelson affair by dismissing the former ambassador as "just a poltical stunt".


"This is games playing by the Conservatives," the PM's office told the media. "The Prime Minister has no intention of appearing before a Commons committee on account of a Machiavellian stunt like Peter."


Several cabinet minister still loyal to Starmer appeared on morning news programmes also to declare that the long-standing Labour grandee was, and always had been, a political stunt.


"This doesn't add up," said Conservative leader Kemi Badenoch.


"If the PM was aware that Mandelson was a complete stunt, then why did he appoint him US ambassador in the first place?"




‘Remove gas and electricity supplies from energy bills’ say Tories


Tory leader Kemi Badenoch says the best way to bring down rising energy prices for struggling households and businesses will be to stop providing them with gas and electricity.


Party insiders said scrapping the supply of energy to homes would soon bring down household bills and help customers struggling with the cost of living.


Ms Badenoch said standing charges would remain the same and shareholders would need to be compensated for loss of income but the savings on energy consumption would cover any dividend losses incurred by struggling bond holders.


‘Using gas and electricity to heat your homes or power your business is clearly adding to the everyday cost of living.


Imagine a world without those rising energy bills and imagine a world where I was Prime Minister making difficult decisions on your behalf’.


However, under the latest Tory policy not all households would be affected by having their energy supplies cut off.


Households with an annual income of £100k would be exempt from cuts as they can clearly absorb the rise in energy prices and would not be affected in any way.


Drilling for oil and gas in the North Sea would be maximised as this would also bring down the cost of energy costs here in the UK to virtually zero. Just like it has ever since the first barrel of oil was brought ashore back in 1975.


image by Grok

Millions flee toxic fall-out from Trump's sickening bragging


Roads out of cities across the Western world are now packed with people desperate to escape the noxious effects of Trump's incessant self-congratulation.


"They're seeking anywhere, way up in the hills or out at sea, with no WiFi connection and no TV or radio signals," said an AA spokes-spare tyre, "so they don't have to listen to Trump's nauseating boasts about 'winning on levels never seen before'."


"We stuck with the news for as long as we could," said one evacuee on the A303, who was making his way to the western-most point of the Scilly Isles with his young family and all their possessions strapped to the roof of his car.


"But then our ears started to bleed and we all felt our heads would explode.


"It's then we knew that we were suffering from radioactive Trump poisoning, brought on by listening to him bigging his stupid self up on the radio."


Media organisations have been told by the Health and Safety Executive to limit their journalists' exposure to five minutes at a stretch when editing material containing Trump's sickenly self-satisfied remarks.


"Otherwise, they may suffer concussion and blood loss from banging their heads against the wall and stabbing themselves with scissors out of uncontrollable exasperation with Trump's self-glorifying tattle," said an HSE spokes-clipboard.


The Flee Your Home Office has issued a press release advising evacuees that there are still spaces available on Rockall on which to perch until Trump finally shuts up, or sea areas off Scapa Flow in which to scuttle themselves.


"But on no account," warns the press release, "should anyone try to save Nigel Farage or Kemi Badenoch.


"Trump sickness has reached too far inside their tiny minds for them to be helped."


Donald Trump is 79 years old in deluded narcissist years.




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