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Tories set out their new pollicies


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The Tories got a lot of media attention for their misspelled chocolate bars with 'Britian' written on them at last week's party conference..


Keen to cappitalize on this, and to secure more meeja attention, the Tories are publicising their misdirected policies with misspelled press releases.


The top pollicies are:


Abbolishing stamp duty on houses, to help the ritch


Stopping asilum seakers


Abbolishing the sentencing council, and the spelling counsel


Leaving CHER


Raising standards in educayshun


A spokeswonk denied that the party was deliberately misspelling things in order to attract Reform voters.


High Conservative levels damage communities, nation warned

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The government must do more to promote integration and look away from problems caused by Conservative rhetoric out of a fear of the “small minded bigots” researchers have reported today. 


Researchers warned that Conservative ideals all across England were far too high, adding that "if people listen to them too much, we’ll have a turbo charged Thatcher on our hands”.


In a week when Conservatives warned of a “fragmented society” and “seeing too many non-white faces”, it easy to see how Conservative levels can quickly get out of hand.


The researchers went on: “One day they’re talking about wanting to live in a country where people are properly integrated and the next they want immigrants shot for thinking about littering. There are whole swathes of society which are effectively no go areas due to twitching curtains, excessive Daily Mail panic and an almost fanatical obsession with housing prices and inheritance tax. These people just won’t integrate!”


The Conservative leader, Kemi Badenoch, has dismissed the research and said the UK is “doooooommmmeeedddd, doomed I tells you!”




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