KitKats to be 0.0001p cheaper under Andy Burnham
- Sully
- 4 hours ago
- 1 min read
Andy Burnham has already transformed people's finances by announcing £2 bus fares and tiny VAT reductions for pubs.
Now he's going to make life infinitesimally more affordable for fatties by subsidising KitKats, Twix bars and Curly Wurlies by up to 0.0003%.
'These are small beginnings', a spokesman said, 'but for the hardest-up in society these savings will add up to a meaningful amount, just as long as they're willing to buy in bulk. The saving on a thousand Curly Wurlies would cover your bus fare home. It won't. But it's nice to think that it might'.
'Critics are just a bunch of moaners, though they probably have a point. What did Oscar Wilde call them? Twats, I think it was.'
Conservative Head Girl Kemi Badenoch described the measures as 'too little, too late' and promised to build a time machine to stop the rebranding of Marathon bars. She would also consider offing the young Adolf Hitler but said that 'wasn't a priority' as his values were rapidly coming back into fashion.
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