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Bank robber is football thug due to his Nan watching MotD

A man who robbed a bank has been included in this year’s football hooliganism figures following revelations that his grandmother regularly watches Match of the Day.

In addition to the bank robber, this year’s football hooligans include a Newcastle fan who exceeded his duty free allowance on return from his holiday to Magaluf in July, a shoplifter caught wearing a Liverpool shirt in Basingstoke, and a driver convicted for speeding who had one of those hangy kit things in their back window.

A Home Office spokesman denied that the goalposts had been moved to include more crimes as he had no idea what goalposts were. ‘Football related crime is increasing and is expected to go up again next year’ he said. ‘Especially as we are adding sex crimes against partners by Manchester United players.’

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