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BP offsets Rosneft divesting by investing in Molotov cocktails

'Of course we were disappointed to have to divest our interest in Rosneft,' said a BP spokesman, 'but then we realised that Molotov cocktails were becoming very popular in the region,' he added.

BP has recommended that insurgents use BP Ultimate Unleaded Fuel in the cocktails as it 'burns cleaner, more efficiently and is lead-free, which the alternative hand-held weapons certainly are not,' he said. Ukrainian freedom fighters welcomed the suggestion, but still insisted on using supermarket fuel, 'like nearly everyone else in the world,' adding, 'only pricks and dictators believe that Ultimate bullshit.'

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