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Cast on or cast adrift?

In a move that is both bold and radical, after months of planning Liz Truss has revealed how she is going to help solve the soaring price of fuel crisis this winter, within hours of ascending to the Iron Throne.

In a move no one saw coming, (a bit like her becoming Prime Minister) and one which makes Rishi Sunak's attempts to give away billions during furlough seem pitiful, newly crowned PM Liz Truss will solve the energy price crisis by issuing knitting needles and a ball of wool to every citizen in the UK, together with the associated patterns to make socks, gloves, scarves and bobble hats. The wool will be available in a variety of colours provided your definition of the word variety is Tory blue.

Speaking to a visibly traumatised Laura Kuenssberg, a spokesperson for Prime Minister Truss explained, "The whole of the world knows that Great Britain is a nation of knitters and natterers. So let's harness that potential energy. Who need nuclear, solar or wind power when the friction generated from millions of needle clicking and clacking together will generate all the additional heat we need. It was either this or give everybody one of those Bacofoil blankets you get after running a marathon, but that suggestion is just ridiculous."

"And," continued the spokesperson, in a further attempt to pull the wool over peoples eyes, "knitting is just so portable. I mean you can knit anywhere. In the back of an ambulance waiting to be admitted to A&E, queuing up for your local food bank, whilst using your Freedom pass to travel all day on a London bus. The possibilities are endless."

Former diver and now professional gay icon and part time knitter Tom Daley has voiced his support for the idea and has already completed a new collection of Mohair budgie smugglers which should be available just in time for Christmas.

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