The lobbyist insisted that molestation was a vital tool in getting people's attention. Said the Confederation of British Industry: 'Our trouserless negotiations really focus the mind. I mean, would you to stay haggling if you knew everyone around the table was naked from the waist down?'
Despite criminal proceedings, the CBI remained committed to groping their way to profit. 'We project the economy will grow as much as 12 inches, provided we take our blue pill.'
That said, more and more firms are disassociating themselves from the CBI's rape culture - all except the BBC's light entertainment branch and the Vatican. 'We will always put business interests first. And it just so happens our business is chasing women.' Asked if they were worried about the investigation, they replied. 'Shhhh. Mind your own business.'