Chessington World of Adventures closes Boris Johnson Teacup Ride

A story stating nothing more than 'Alton Towers closes World of David Walliams' has exposed a handy tool.

Lawyers ensuring news in the public interest cannot be reported 'for legal reasons' have been beaten off at a Pulitzer Prize winning level of saying it without saying it.

Following on from this news, further suppressed stories have been revealed. An unnamed source at a uniquely funded institution confirmed, 'Thorpe Park has shut down the Michael Gove House of Horrors, and Blackpool Pleasure Beach will get a complete Russell re-Brand.

'There's little need for further news surrounding Windsor Safari Park, as it's a royal knockout.

'In stories illegally buried in America, however, another dangerous ride on Epstein Island was broken, and Disney closes Donald Fantasy Castle.'