They are two of the most successful acting body parts in Hollywood. Colin Farrell’s expressive eyebrows stole the show at The Banshees of Inisherin, even out-acting Brendan Gleeson’s bloody stump of a hand. Nobody could forget the tender angle they made as their human host cradled the body of his dead donkey, or the angry shape they formed as the human played by Farrell set Gleeson’s cottage ablaze.
Now Farrell’s eyebrows are to share acting tips with a new generation of thespians. They will be joined by Keira Knightley’s chin, which has wowed audiences in Pirates of the Caribbean and Love Actually, as well as that perfume advert where she wears a mac and gazes wistfully into middle distance.
The duo – who recently announced that they were splitting from their hosts due to ‘artistic differences’ – rejected an approach from Rachel Riley’s arse.
'It’s a lovely arse', said Farrell’s eyebrows. 'If I wasn’t just a pair of eyebrows I’d be up there like a rat up a pipe, but it doesn’t have the range we’re looking for. I’d like to see it in a romcom, maybe a dark tragicomedy set in Bruges or rural Ireland, something artistic like that.'
Keira Knightley’s chin was unable to comment on Rachel Riley’s arse as arse envy isn’t one of its emotions, though it did pout prettily for no apparent reason.
Image by Stable Diffusion