top of page

Cost of lettuces that outlast Prime Ministers now 20% higher than inflation

In a move hoped to prevent newspapers using their produce for ridiculing ridiculous Prime Ministers, the Lettuce Growers Association has urged its members to increase the cost of lettuces by an above inflation amount. A spokespicker for the association said that although they thought the fact their lettuces last longer than Tory Prime Ministers was a fair comparison, it had damaged lettuce sales.

'We are proud of our quality produce and want everyone, especially children to enjoy a healthy diet, but the newspaper campaign was putting kids off lettuces. Parents were writing to use saying their kids were having nightmares on days they tried to make them eat lettuce because of the association with Liz Truss' the spokespicker told us. 'The only way we could prevent a recurrence, was to increase the price, so newspaper hacks would think twice before trying the stunt again.'

'BLTs be damned!'

Elsie Watts, who works in a newspaper accounts department, countered that the stunt was unlikely to be repeated. Watts rejected such a similar expense claim on the grounds that she didn’t think anyone would pay a thousand quid for a lettuce. 'It might work for MPs expenses' she said, 'but I can’t risk it here. It's more than my job's worth, particularly if we hacked the lettuce's answer phone.'

49 views2 comments

Recent Posts

See All

Clacton relieved Farage is going to Trump's aid

Despite having one of the highest crime rates in the UK, more unemployment than most constituencies, longer waiting lists for the NHS than practically anywhere the good people of Clacton have responde


Lisa Flannery
Lisa Flannery

Being scammed out of my cryptocurrency was a nightmare I never expected. I felt completely hopeless until I found Walldrive Cyber Security Service. Their team handled my case with great care and expertise. They were able to trace the transactions and retrieve my funds in a remarkably short period of time. The regular updates and clear communication throughout the process were very reassuring. Walldrive Cyber Security Service turned what seemed like an impossible situation into a successful recovery.

You can reach out to them through Whatsapp: +44  7961  202493; e-mail: walldriveservice @


Williams Holmes
Williams Holmes

Be careful of platforms promising huge returns, they lure people into fake programs. I was scammed of 198,450 USD last year by Abeonacoin. In attempt to recover my funds, I came across several recommendations on Bitcoin Abuse Forum about RecoveryChef. I contacted him via his email on RECOVERYCHEF@TECHIE.COM and he helped me recover my stolen funds. If you've also been a victim of financial scams, don't hesitate to get in touch with RecoveryChef.

bottom of page